Dillydaff, part 6

[LB55]

Hey D,

I agree with the others here. You are a dog on a chain. Think about it.

You wait for him to come home. The only owner you’ve ever known. He chooses to let you off the chain to play with him. He chooses if you are going for a walk. He chooses where you go for a walk. He chooses who spends time with you or pets you on the walk. Then he pets you and shows you love it he feels like it. He feeds you; not the good food, just an old sausage and maybe a piece of moldy cheese that was going in the trash. Then he puts you on the chain again and says let’s do this again next weekend. He goes home to his house and his other dog. You sit in the yard for a while, dig a hole to keep busy, and watch the other happy dogs walk by each day.

This is an analogy; I hope you see the parallels.

You sit there and hope for next weekend to get here because surely it will be different.

Going on vacation that he chooses for you is taking a walk but not getting to do or see what you want to.

Then he feeds you some scraps, you chow down and are happy to get that because you are hungry and don’t know any other way to get that feeling. It doesn’t reflect any level of care for you. It’s not satisfying but it’s better than starving.

Then you spend a bunch of time on the chain waiting for him to return and repeat the process.

Doing work all the time might keep your mind off it for a bit but it’s just digging holes.

Meanwhile you’re still just a lonely hungry dog in a yard full of holes on a chain waiting...for something that won’t come. Waiting for someone to love you instead of control you. If only you could find the strength to chew through that chain and go find that which you long for...

Its clear that you are still attached to him. It’s hard to let go! I’ve never been with anyone but my W. I am truthfully scared of being intimate with someone else; it’s unfathomable right now. Someday it will be different; but the emotional ownership she would have over me for another 6 months for 1 night of meaningless sex isnt worth it to me.

This cycle will never stop unless you stop it. Sending him on vacation with the kids while you do something else sounds like a good idea. He more than likely won’t do it because he isn’t in control and getting his family time.