Haven’t updated in a while...so thinking out loud.....
I still haven’t moved back. Still the same decision though - boundaries and self respect tell me I should go back as I have been lied to and manipulated out of my own house so that W can live some fantasy or other under the guise of ‘space’. Only thing stopping me is D9 and what expectations it will bring to her if I did. It is likely it will be the start of a D process if/when I do but that is probably just bringing forward the inevitable anyway. I need to go and see a new L about what the implications are for moving back and whether they ‘advise’ it.
W wanted to talk about ‘the future’ with me and I agreed to meet her last week. We had an hour and she didn’t have the heart/nerve/whatever to say anything about it. I was happy and surprised by how calm and detached I was throughout. It was like I was watching us both talking from another seat at the table. Next question is whether I listen to what W wants the future to look like (as selfish and delusional as it might be) before I go to see L and decide the next move or just see L regardless and make my moves based on that conversation.
I’ve been spending really good quality time with D9 - much better than when I was at home. Too often I was too influenced by the depressed mood of W and so didn’t did the things I should of with her. Not any more. The space is allowing me to grow and become a better more confident father.
I need to find new GAL activities but at the moment my main one is spending quality time with D. I need to take up golf again and do some hiking with a few buddies. The running, weights and good eating has made me feel as good as I ever have though. I just wish I could sleep a little better. Maybe now a fair few BDs have been delivered (and the big D won’t surprise me if/when it comes) and I continue to detach, this will improve with a bit more time.
S came out with me and D the other day. It turns out it wasn’t him last weekend morning as he said he hasn’t been awake early since the holidays. Seems that W asked S if I asked him any q’s and he said I had. She confronted me this morning about it and it took me by surprise. I made it clear that she should tell me the truth rather than lie and deceive. Hard to know whether this basic attempt to put down a boundary was the right approach or whether a more validating approach would have been better but perhaps that is me worrying too much about outcomes.
