Well the background to the family holiday stuff was that I told him about ds2 saying he wanted a family summer holiday this year because last year we didn't have one, and also because this time next year ds1 will have left college and who knows what he'll be doing. So this holiday wasn't H's idea, I just told him about ds2 wanting it, and I feel bad because ds2 almost never asks for anything. The destination I agree is controlling, as is him saying he'll only come for a weekend (though we did discuss dates a while back when I was going to take the kids away by myself, but the kids are awful at agreeing to anything). I told him I needed to think about it and he said 'well it was your idea, I won't bother' and I said I needed time. So I'm taking it. On the one hand, my priority is my kids, and I know it would be good for them to have a nice family holiday. On the other hand, my next priority is myself, and I don't know how I feel about it.
I'm thinking about a teen activity holiday, lots of activities and sports to keep everyone busy. And if H will come for most of that then he's welcome otherwise I won't let him come for just the weekend. He does need to bond with the kids and I don't think he knows how to right now. It's not just me he's rejecting and abandoning, it's them too even though he's often protesting about how much he loves them. So I think a week where the focus is on DOING stuff would be good, then I don't really care if H comes or not, but he's not just going to dip in for a short time because that would be inconvenient. The one thing I won't do is go somewhere with lots of happy memories, I don't want to pollute my memories like that.
