well, that is bizarre behaviour on his part. And it also, I think, sounds quite controlling. He's offered to book things, decided on the location and decided you and the kids will go, and he will turn up for a couple of days at the end. I can see why that would suit him perfectly. It's the happy family stuff without any of the emotional commitment or honesty that a real relationship requires. And this is against a context of him being regularly unpleasant to you, talking about divorce and making no moves to reconcile. You've been stuck in this holding pattern for a long time and it obviously suits him.
My advice?
Tell him he's welcome to take his children on holiday wherever and whenever he pleases. He could probably do with some bonding time with them, and the experience of being solely responsible for their needs without you busying yourself facilitating the contact and family time for him. Tell him you have your own plans. Then make them - either alone, or with your children, or with some friends.
You really really really deserve better than this - and I don't think anything is going to change, including the emotional pain you're still in when you're triggered by bad memories - until you start making a stand and making your actions consistent with the reality of your situation. He clearly has no respect for you whatsoever, and you're not going to get his respect by being compliant.
You say very regularly that you want to drop the rope, give him space, get on with your own life, etc. And you sound so strong and healthy and sure when you say that. And you do - you do a brilliant job of GAL and you're in IC and you're developing your career and interests and all sorts. You're an inspiration to me in that way. But it's like all that good work is sealed off from the part of yourself that's still hopelessly stuck on enabling your husband's poor treatment of you. It's like he's a miserable anchor holding you down.
