Thanks hope, and you are so right that I have to get past the emotions and operate from a less emotional place. That day was a doozy! I don't feel embarrassed any more, it was just one of those things and makes me more determined not to go back into that place. It was horrible. I like the idea of making better memories in those places, seems like I just have to ride that train line over and over again between those stations laughing and joking with a friend or listening to comedy podcasts
Wow, that must have been so hard for you LB, I am amazed at your strength and fortitude in the face of all that has been thrown at you. And thanks for your thoughts on sex, good perspective that it would cause more emotional harm in this situation. I am full of admiration for your approach to DBing and becoming a better person (it can't be easy) and my new mantra will be 'be more LB' Seriously, I am back to wanting to be the best person I could possibly be, but this time for myself not my H. I'm working hard this weekend and full of energy to meet my goals, it feels really rewarding to be using my brain and being productive. It's also helping with detachment, I am quite calm and clear that I will be stepping back for the time being and working on myself.
Saw H very briefly this morning as I was dragging ds1 out of the house to drop him off early. H must have come by early specifically to see either ds1 or me because I didn't think I'd see him. I was distracted trying to get out of the house on time (teens are not great morning people) so only chatted briefly, H told me how he had a small car accident recently but no damage. Then he said he has all week off work (he needs it) but wasn't sure what he is going to do yet, maybe go to France. I didn't press for details or offer to sort out car insurance or anything like that. He asked me what I was up to this week and I told him and he said he probably couldn't meet up next week but would come home next Saturday, I said I might be at our other place.
Then he walked me and ds1 to my car and said he was going to investigate options for a summer holiday in Italy for me and the kids, with him meeting us for the weekend. I was surprised but didn't really say anything, then I drove off. He texted me later to say that ds2 wanted to go to Italy so he would look into it, he was offering to book flights and hire a car for me and the kids. Weird. I don't read ANYTHING into this other than him wanting to spend a tiny amount of time with his family in the summer. This is a place we used to go to every year camping, but we haven't been for years now. It's lovely but I'm not sure I want to go back to somewhere with so many happy memories getting in the way under these circumstances. I think I will tell him I have to think about it. I'm not sure I want to go on holiday with H at all right now anyway, he has made it so clear that he doesn't want to spend very much time with me so I want to give him space and get on with my life.
