In a nut shell I've basically felt great about myself, the relationship between me and STBXW is on good terms mostly. She's no longer expressing crazy anger or anything. We are going between our lawyers about a few small details like debts, and she just got a different job with better benefits so that will change my out of pocket costs for the better. I'm down to 177lbs and still losing more.
I've been spending a ton of time with my son at the beach and checking out new things/places like nature trails, video arcades(which he loves), and in his quest to find the best pizza... Haha.
I think she's curious but at the point of no return. She's a stubborn person. Reflecting on our marriage and looking back, while I wasn't faultless by any means, she never communicated with me clearly, didn't speak up for things that were important to her, and always held things over my head years later even if she had "let it go." Plus her relationship with my mom and sister wasn't the greatest, and I feel like there's no hope of going back.
So in the last few weeks per the suggestion of my counselor, I've started dating around a bit. Nothing serious, literally just coffee/dinner dates. I went on like 6 different ones in a single week. There is one woman who interests me very much, is aware of the situation, and has 3 boys herself, is a special-ed teacher who would understand my son's autism/ADHD, is very old fashioned in not wanting to hook up or rush anything, etc. What stuck out to me the most was that she is the only one who has pushed me to spend as much time with my son/seek more custody as soon as feasible. Everyone else seems to ask from a "how much time will you have for me?" type perspective.
This past Wednesday I had a weird conversation with the STBXW while having ice cream with my S6 by the pool. We asked how each of us were doing, making small talk about our son, etc. She told me about her new job(parole officer). I jokingly said "well hey maybe you can meet some cute guys." Then she proceeded to tell me about her experience dating... How she went off and banged a couple guys via Bumble, they turned out to be a-holes, one lied about being married, etc. She was inundated with D-pics and weird people asking about fetishes and stuff, one guy wanted to make her his "pet" or something, and claims she has given up on trying to date and was now enjoying time by herself. I admit it made me feel weird but it basically confirmed exactly what I'd thought. Next day it wasn't even really on my mind.
I showed a brief moment of weakness and asked her if she's 100% certain that there was no hope for us... She said "you wish" and at that point I told her that I've started dating around and been having fun with it, and there is one in particular who interests me a lot and I was going to pursue her and see where it goes, and I don't want to have her crawling back when I'm happy and moved on.
Next day she told me it would be better if I pick up and drop my son off from her mom's house and we shouldn't be talking to each other unless it's pertaining to S6.
I'm perfectly ok maintaining a friend like relationship with the ex at this point, and I truly do wish her the best.
Again I'm good with whatever happens, and I never would have thought I'd be in such a great place about 5 months ago. Right, wrong, or indifferent, I continue to pray that whatever is meant to be is what comes to fruition.
