Am I doing this right??

[Goddess8]

Morning dilly.

Whenever I pull back he comes closer. Since May when OW came home that was when I went at least dim. I don't talk to him. I dont initiate conversation or reach out to him. Ive posted here pretty much everytime he's said something to me since then. Minus the absolutely useless If I'm supposed to do more of whats working and avoid cheeseless tunnels then me not talking to him works. If I am supposed to sit quietly and watch to see if his renewed interest is genuine then I am. It seems to be slow but positive movement forward. Clearly something has to be shifting in him if he's been texting me more this past week. Maybe I'm being nieve. Hope can be a cruel mistress. Everyone says actions over words. Well if his LL is gifts and he's been doing all these things then... Do people who want to divorce usually give their LBS a new opened ended amex? Do they tranfer mil edu benefits to not only the kids but LBS as well? I don't want to be obtuse here but I also don't want to miss a small effort from him.

He came to my town and house out of the blue. It didnt make me uncomfortable. Him being there didnt stop me from doing my own thing around the house. Just because he showed up doesnt mean I am going to be chased out of my own house mid day when I'd just gotten back from town and a GALing lunch with a friend. It had been about two weeks since he'd seen the kids. I don't see how allowing that is cake eating. I was casual accountant like. Friendly but detached. Isnt that the goal? To be lovingly detached? And isn't detachement for our personal emotional health? If his shenanigans don't bother me isnt that good? I did at least look good while he was around. I was casual but I'd done my makeup and curled my hair(which I don't usually do). I know I looked good.

Idk Maybe I have too much hope. Maybe I am being naive. Everyone says only talk to them if it's about kids or finances. Well I have been dealing almost solely with both for years. So as long as there is money in the account I don't have a need to contact him. Am I supposed to stop ALL conversation at this point? I thought that level of dark was for once they get their divorce and still try to draw the LBS into their drama. I know he's moved out and has OW still as far as I know. I don't talk about her or mention anything to do with her. I am just doing me. 180's galing and all. Building my emotional strength. Isn't dropping the rope letting go of the idea of control and not letting their emotional bs affect us? Is it essentially being done to the point of not caring if we get back together? Is that my problem? Am I not apathetic? I do still care and I do hope. And I know if the work is put in the new marriage would be worth it.

It would be so much easier for me to handle if he was being an a$$. But he's not. He's "just" still in an affair. And thats another thing. There are conflicting options and advice about them coming back. Some say the affair has to be completely over and the ow withdrawl processed. Others says they could lack the strength to fully leave the ow until making attempts to return home. The monkey branch analogy but in reverse. No wonder its so confusing. LBS want to do what "works" but what works in one sitch might be different in another.

Gah! Y'all if I need a 2x4 please give it to me. I'm trying not to read anything into his behavior but at the same time watch for any signs of improvement.

Sorry for the ramblimg and sideways tangent Dilly. I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days.