Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[joejoe1]

Curtis,

I agree with everything Ovr wrote to you. He gave you great advice. You know what's great about this forum, it's that people give their time and advice for free. His advice is worth more than what any person you can pay, can give you. After I got DBed I went crazy, charging my credit cards looking for answers, talking to this expert and that expert, and all along, my best advice, came from Sandi, AS, other experts and fellow DBers here.

I skimmed through your sitch, and I don't have to read it all, because your WW needs the same actions as any other, tough love.

You should read "Love must be tough", by James Dobson. The best chance you have of getting your W back now, is completely letting her go an moving forward with your life. Not moving "on" but forward.

It's we are telling you that's not going to be painful. But every person on here is trying to do is help you prepare for pain, but you start this journey of letting go and moving forward. We are giving you a baseline which in turn helps you deal with the pain more efficiently. There is no way around this process and your WW is use to you allowing her to do things that she want to do, when you stop expect her to get angry, mad, threaten you, make declarations.

Maybe this will help, I reshifted/refocused my priorities, mines was:

1. Wife
2. Kids
3. Me
4. Everybody else

During DB:

1. Kids
2. Me
3. GAL
4. Me
5. Me
6. Me

My WW became my last priority. I didn't tell her she was, I showed her through my actions. I wasn't mean, nasty, but I never went out of my way to do things for her and if she asked me for something, I would do it in a respectable time and way.

Your know your WW is cheating, you thinking espousing them is about them. You don't have to make a grand ole announcement to inform your WW of her actions. You can sit her down, just you two let her know what evidence you have. You can also state your boundaries and what you want in a M. After that you move forward, you don't say it again.

You are trying to hard to control your WW actions, stop it, stop it.

In reading your 8 goals, you put way too much pressure and expectations on yourself. You are right, they are very lofty and you are right you should "think small".

They are way to ambitious. Look, you can't rush this. The first thing you want is respect from your WW. Sex, attention, conversation, save that for recon and eventual M.

Goals

1. Inform her of your boundaries (know your boundaries and the consequences first)
2. Respect yourself, by not allowing her to disrespect you, inturn gaining her respect
3. Love tough (not mean, nasty, or hurtful)
4. Look out for signs of her shifting her actions (coming out the fog) Note them when you see them

Examples, I wrote down( yours will be different). My W texting me asking for help, my W texting me to tell me random things about her day. My wife touching me in any way. My wife, asking me about my day. My wife asking me what I want for dinner, her asking to watch a show together. Her changing her language, from I'm done to, I'm not sure what I want. Her saying "her future", to "our future" or using the word "we".

Her doing just one or two of those most likely not her changing her direction towards me again, but her doing multiple of those things, consistently, shows a change. Look out for your W changing direction, by you changing direction.

You got this Curt..

Onward and forward

Your old W is gone, she is become a new person, are you prepared for her? IMO, you are not, because you aren't woro on yourself worrying about her so much.