Thanks guys. The affirmation regarding W's attitude issues and harshness just keeps coming, first it was from her family, and now that D is underway my friends and family are chiming in, and even mutual friends are making unsolicited comments. Honestly even though I have known for years about her issues it still hits me hard every time another comment about her personality is made. On the one hand it helps to confirm that i'm really not the bad guy here, I was just reacting to her harsh behavior. On the other hand it makes me think "WTF did I do getting in so deep with this chick" and I want to withdraw even further from her, and this makes it difficult to be friendly. I have been facing an enormous challenge to be nice to her due to how I was treated. I'm not nasty to her, but nice isn't the word to describe it either. Cordial? Kind of. Businesslike? Probably most accurate.
If not for the kids I would have at least separated and possibly D'd her years ago. The desire of keeping a family intact is so strong in me, I couldn't do it. Maybe me taking action then would have been the wakeup call W's needs to realize how destructive her attitude is to a R. Maybe things would be different now. Who knows. I am just journaling here in the moment, IRL I don't spend much time with "what if's". I am focused on playing the cards in my hand now. I am balancing living in the moment with keeping an eye on the road ahead.
Tom Hanks in Castaway said "I got to keep breathing. Because tomorrow, the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?" I always liked that line, and now that i'm in my sitch even more so.
