For STBXW, yes she is a crisis. She is caught up in this cycle, which started long ago during her upbringing. She has to go through it.
What about your kids?
You can break the cycle Hamburg.
A crisis is caused from long ago trauma(s), events that the MLCer was incapable of understanding or accepting and therefore internalized and took on the blame. They blamed themselves for what happened with, or from, that person of authority in their young lives.
My last post I told you to save your breath trying to keep kids from W and OM. Any attempt at controlling STBXW is futile.
So what can you do?
You focus on you and the kids.
Be the best Dad possible. Ensure that your children understand that they are not responsible for their Mom’s crazy behaviours. How? Talk to them. Explain MLC. Give them an understanding, a reason, an acceptance, of what is happening and happened. Show them it is not their fault! Break the cycle.
You do not demonize STBXW, or talk bad about her, or belittle, or talk down, etc. - your kids are half made up of her. They will already wonder if what Mom is doing is inescapable, you know genetic, in their blood kind of thinking. Kids know they have the traits of their parents, they need to understand.
MLC is emotionally driven right from the start. An emotional trauma, something the young person could not yet understand or accept stunted them, damaged them and started their path.
Emotions are irrational, the “reasoning” and “understanding” that a young person will create to explain this will be irrational. This incorrect assuming of guilt, shame, and blame is incorrect - to us. However to a young person unable to articulate what they are feeling, it is very real, and gets push down into themselves. It will surface - later.
Break the cycle.
Your kids healing, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, starts with and flows from you. Is demonstrated by you. Be the best Hamburg you will be! Not can be - will be! Make it happen.
Harsh reality time. Sorry.
The OM is a man of significance in the kids’ Mom’s life.
You and the kids don’t have to like it. You and the kids don’t have to condone it.
