I think that's the paradox of letting go of the rope. The old relationship needs to be fully and properly dead and grieved for and both of you integrate the changes that happen for you as a result of that, before a new relationship can be embarked upon and considered.
I know I won't feel happy to R with H until and unless I see what has changed and what he is willing to offer. I'm not even looking his way at the moment, out of self-protection - and perhaps that is how it will stay for us.
