underneath the determination I am deeply hurt and I want to work on that and resolve it or come through it first, so I am not making legal decisions with anything other than a rational head.
As long as he is keeping up his end of the bargain, I think this is very wise. And of COURSE you are deeply hurt. I don't think detaching/GAL & 180 means you don't hurt, I just think it means what you do with the hurt matters.
Originally Posted by AlisonUK
I think the best thing I can do is get out the way so he can realise on his own that the fact that he can't is to do with him and not me. He can have that realisation or not, he can respond to realising it - if he does - in whatever way he chooses. But none of that is to do with me. I suspect arguing with me distracts him from what's really going on with him, so in a way the kindest and most loving thing I can do is get out the way and let him have his fight with himself.
In my opinion, this is what standing for your marriage means. It isn't waiting, it is allowing them to go through their stuff. You may/may not be willing to R when H comes through, but no matter what, you are growing.
Detachment is hard, and I can't say that I do it perfectly. I still love my H to pieces, but in letting him go and watching this go down, I've learned that the best way I can love him is from a distance. Like a lighthouse. (have you read that one? I don't know how to link, but I refer back to it quite a bit)
Stay strong and take care of yourself.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
