Hey LH, yeah you’re right it’s not normal and believe me I wish I wasn’t in this situation, that’s why I’m here. The alternatives to what I’m doing are to file: which isn’t what I’m positive I want. Or to continue to DB and drop the dating that I’m doing. The dating is nothing serious and I have no intention of finding another relationship at the moment, I just enjoy meeting other people, learning their stories and interacting 1 on 1 with woman which I haven’t done any of really in the past 7 odd years due to R with W. I’ve also read other vets advise dating after separation as long as you are clear with OP you are not available for an R.
As for my core values I value loyalty highly and have empathy for others. During the 7 year R with my W I was approached on several occasions by girls at school, work place etc etc who wanted to be more than friends. Because of my loyalty to W I made it clear I wasn’t interested. I don’t mean to come across as bragging that I didn’t have an affair haha just an example.
I’ve mentioned before that my core values were aligned with my W and I kid you not 3 or 4 months before BD she said “I could never just give up, marriages are worth working on”. I’ve also already mentioned that 6 months before BD, W’s sister left a man who was physically and verbally abusive. I defended the sister for leaving such a terrible R while my W didn’t approve saying “it’s not right to just up and leave someone”. I cannot make this [censored] up haha.
So obviously her core values are gone with her waywardness. Maybe they will return one day but that is out of my control.
U, yes thanks. I’ve met with L previously but have almost no idea how mediation works. Seeing my L tomorrow just to understand more about the situation.
Short update: been NC with W for the past few days. Nothing to report lol. I’ve been thinking back a lot and am realizing how codependent W was due to her anxiety. It was always an issue if I wasn’t around to be her stability. With my busy GAL I believe this contributed to a lot of resentment with in her. I don’t believe she is doing IC or even looking inward at this point.
