Still a mess too. Had a court date today. The order of protection was dropped however I have to go to our house with one of our kids, give 24 hour notice and have a year long no contact order.
I wonder how is this fair. What kind of a monster does she think me to be?
God, I love her with all my heart. Or I did. Right now I don't know what to think.
I want the happily ever after. She wants to be alone.
So after helping our kids move to a bigger place, I am finally able to post on here again. Staying with a buddy and his GF. Another friend lost his W to pneumonia on top of her COPD. So there are some good and some bad going on in my world other than the storm I am going through. Feels like I am taking on water. I know I need to bail to keep afloat but at the moment part of me doesn't care to bail.
What I need to do is work on me still. Hitting the gym, going to church, the new job (hopefully last past the 10 weeks), new interests (got no idea what those should be right now).
With all that has happened it is blindingly obvious she is done. Yet... I still can't, won't or know how to let her go.
Waiting to here from the Veteran's Center to schedule a therapist. I need help with this and a permanent solution to a temporary problem isn't the way to go. I can't imagine anyone else, not really.
If I disappeared I doubt she would even care. My lawyer almost walked past me at the courthouse this morning. Some impression I make. Ohhh look at me I am invisible... No, not really but there are times I wonder.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Hey Turbine! Keep pushing for the therapist, I think it could really help you reframe your thinking in a more positive direction. I found it quite helpful for me.
Hang in there!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Well lets see. There has been a lot that happened and a mind shift for me (at least right now).
Both lawyers are willing to quit. At this point I feel like firing mine anyway so not sure that is a loss. The court order makes no sense if we are to sell the house. No contact for a year. Someone has a serious disconnect. I don't know who and not sure I care. Want to wash my hands of the whole thing.
I was able to go to the house on Saturday, June 29. Happened to be our son's 22nd birthday. Ended up moving more than I expected. All stuff that was removed is mine by inheritance from parents. Kitchen table and chairs, a hutch, several CD cases, some kitchen ware and two rocking chairs. Pretty sure the table being gone was a shock. Don't care.
I can't go home without one of our kids. A situation that they never were asked to do and resent very much. Detailed above. Near the end of the time we were there W called and was actually screaming at our son... on his birthday. I have no idea what she was carrying on about but our son was telling her to stop yelling and listen. Wasn't happening.
Realtor went to the house on Tuesday and the price range they are talking about is well below the price she was expecting. Below what I expected.. We will be lucky to cover the mortgage, never mind the second or any other bills. Not even interested in a "told you so".
Tomorrow would be our 32nd. As I right this I am not dreading tomorrow like I was earlier today and even yesterday.
If I can't talk to her or contact at all then I will keep working on me. She can go and keep going. I never wanted this and really have wanted to get the happily ever after. Not so much anymore.
No indication of any change in her mindset. She will be expelled from church. She knows this and still wants to proceed. I don't wish that for her. I pray she relents. More for her than to save us.
I know I have a lot to regret and to work on still. She does as well. My work continues at the gym and at church. This coming Wednesday I have an appointment with a therapist to work on my issues. My phone coach is great but there are issues beyond the scope of the program. Refer to my post about my visit to spa le' psych. I still have been checking that door and yes the brick wall is still there.
I want to serve God. There are many long days ahead of me. I am grateful for my children and grandchildren. All three of the kids are here this weekend and the middle granddaughter is along with the grandsons.
W had a garage sale today. No idea what was on sale. couldn't go and see because the kids are done.
Time to make some requests of my own.
Again I hope all of you have a good day.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Yes, I screwed up. I was oblivious to what was happening. No, not entirely. Mom went to church and Dad didn't and that was part of my normal.
So my not going and her going was okay to me but not her. Now that I am going she resents it. Not going for her. Not to spite her. I am happier going than not.
So the realtors summary for the house was less than ideal. Surprising to both of us I'm pretty sure. Her more so. Apparently she had big plans. Get a condo...
Would I want to reconcile? For economic reasons only? No...
It would have to be the whole thing, Marriage 2.0 or better. Maybe 3.0 because 2.0 was this current situation.
I do know that my kids, extended family and friends might have me committed if we were to try.
I am not done growing. Not sure she is. Lots of hurt, pain for and by both of us.
Still going to pray for her. For me. For all of you here too.
Thinking about it... yeah... another step.
Went to the gym tonight as well. Miss her so.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
We've had several court dates. Motions for assorted stuff. Including a protective order and now a no contact order. How WE are supposed to sell a house when I can't communicate with her... am I missing something here?
Anyway, court again on Thursday. Realtor contacted me about the house not having progress. W not indicating she got the emails etc.
My L sent email to her L about getting the no contact changed.
Getting to where I don't care if we R or not. Don't get me wrong. I'd still like to but am in a much better state of mind about it than before.
She has been going to church. She knows she will be expelled and technically isn't in church anymore. All I am reading out of this is this. Too much stuff to clear out of the house. Still wants/values her membership in the church. First is based on solid evidence and second... let's just say less solid but still evidence.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
