Still a mess too. Had a court date today. The order of protection was dropped however I have to go to our house with one of our kids, give 24 hour notice and have a year long no contact order.
I wonder how is this fair. What kind of a monster does she think me to be?
God, I love her with all my heart. Or I did. Right now I don't know what to think.
I want the happily ever after. She wants to be alone.
So after helping our kids move to a bigger place, I am finally able to post on here again. Staying with a buddy and his GF. Another friend lost his W to pneumonia on top of her COPD. So there are some good and some bad going on in my world other than the storm I am going through. Feels like I am taking on water. I know I need to bail to keep afloat but at the moment part of me doesn't care to bail.
What I need to do is work on me still. Hitting the gym, going to church, the new job (hopefully last past the 10 weeks), new interests (got no idea what those should be right now).
With all that has happened it is blindingly obvious she is done. Yet... I still can't, won't or know how to let her go.
Waiting to here from the Veteran's Center to schedule a therapist. I need help with this and a permanent solution to a temporary problem isn't the way to go. I can't imagine anyone else, not really.
If I disappeared I doubt she would even care. My lawyer almost walked past me at the courthouse this morning. Some impression I make. Ohhh look at me I am invisible... No, not really but there are times I wonder.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
