I have a question for those of us in MC. I know that this is not the ideal place to be for DB, but many of us are doing it. If that is the case, do you guys have any tips for making the most of it?
Listen and validate. If you are asked questions then reply with responses that are as brief as humanly possible.
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I have come to the realization that my wife is not really interested in using MC as a means to fix the relationship. She is not at all committed to fixing it even though she says she is. I assume the reason that she is saying that she is trying to fix it is, 1) to give herself time to think about what she wants (I don't think she really knows), and 2) to ease the guilt of walking away from the marriage.
As LH said she is likely doing it to check off her "things I tried to save the M but just proved it was already over" list. She is using it as a means to facilitate S and D, not to save the M. It's what they all do.
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I wonder if there is a statement us LBS should be using for this. If they are not really committed to using the MC to fix the relationship, then they should still feel guilty. I wonder if we should say this during the MC session.
What we suggest here is that you discontinue MC. Just tell her you don't see it helping matters any and you feel it should be stopped. Spend your money on a DB coach instead. If you stay in MC it's only a matter of time before they suggest separation, and you will be amazed at how quickly your W will jump in to support the idea. From then on it will be "well this is what the counselor felt we should do" as if it was all the counselor's idea and not hers. Don't give her that excuse!
