So then do you really recommend just totally pulling away and moving on so that she sees that instead of being desperate?
I feel like it’s the same as the other in that I need to find the right balance, right?
Yes. Why? These lines from the movie Swingers help explain it:
MIKE And what if I don't want to give up on her?
ROB You don't call.
MIKE But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her.
ROB Right.
MIKE So I don't call either way.
ROB Right.
MIKE So what's the difference?
ROB The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back.
MIKE So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her.
ROB Right.
MIKE Well that [censored].
ROB It [censored].
MIKE So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her.
ROB Right...or more likely the opposite.
MIKE Right... Wait, what do you mean?
ROB I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care.
MIKE Unless she comes back first.
ROB Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore.
MIKE There's the rub.
ROB There's the rub.
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I came back home because I was told to and because I thought I was doing what the best for our family. It definitely wasn’t to garner her favor, as she didn’t want me to come back yet. While it’s best that the WAS leave, do you think it’s any different that I left?
I think it puts you in a worse position when you leave versus her leaving, and I could fill this page up with reasons. But it's water under the bridge now so make the best of it. In the end physical separation is better for your sitch than in-house separation no matter who leaves.
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Any more advice?
Just to be patient. Read, GAL, work on yourself and take a view that you're in this for the long haul!
