One of my goals now is to bust the affairs. If those efforts are ineffective, then I will accept the consequences, including D.
I'm curious what you think you will gain by busting the affairs? I think most LBS's are hoping it moves them from Plan B status to Plan A, but it never, ever does. It just creates a lot of resentment in the WAS, and usually the A will continue but go even deeper undercover (their attitude usually becomes "it's us against the world"). The thing is, she's separated and most WAS's don't consider it an "affair" after separation, to them they're just moving on to a new R. They think they're only "married" in the sense that some pesky piece of paper filed somewhere says so. I know you don't agree with that but that's her point of view right now.
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I say try almost anything based on the following (which I’m in agreement with) from MWD: “When you have children, you owe it to them to leave absolutely no stone unturned if you are considering dissolving your marriage. Once a marriage dissolves, so too, does the family... forever... Once you choose to bring children into the world, divorce isn't a solution to an unhappy marriage. Fixing it is.“
And I completely agree with that, but what I'm saying is threatening D or filing for D is NOT recommended by Michele or these forums as a way to "save" your M. That's kind of like cutting off your leg because you stubbed your toe and it hurts and you want to make it stop.
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I've been keeping up with staying busy since she moved out. Going to church, playing volleyball a few times a week, coaching youth baseball, and going to the gym. Weight has finally stabilized around 159 lbs. Fairly healthy weight for my body type (5'9"), very tone, fit, muscular, and little body fat.
Excellent! Keep that up!
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I recently stated that I'm ready to pursue these next steps, but I've had some time to re-evaluate and I think that could have been an emotional response to recent events. Some of the best advice I've received is to wait at least 24 hours to take any action with regards to decisions made in response to emotional triggers.
The one thing you have is plenty of time. There's no need to rush anything. When in doubt then take more time for yourself.
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I do have a hypothetical question. In the case of physical separation, how is the LBS to know when the A is over without spying/snooping? Is it ever acceptable to ask the WAS if they are still in contact with the AP? Or is it better to wait until if/when they finally feel remorse and initiate on their own?
She more than likely considers it none of your business since you are separated. Asking is basically temp checking her and the advice is not to do it. She probably won't give you a truthful answer anyway.
