Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[curtis7]

I've been really tired lately. Red-eye flight over the weekend and time change from Pacific to Eastern time zone hasn't helped. I need to clear my head and get some rest and avoid any irrational decisions. I've been keeping up with staying busy since she moved out. Going to church, playing volleyball a few times a week, coaching youth baseball, and going to the gym. Weight has finally stabilized around 159 lbs. Fairly healthy weight for my body type (5'9"), very tone, fit, muscular, and little body fat. Weighed 171 lbs at time of BD, lost 20lbs and fell to 151 lbs during PTSD episode (early November 2018 BD to end of February 2019 recovery). Have steadily regained weight over the past few months since WW moved out.

I'm having a hard time drafting the post on the options I'm considering going forward. I have them all identified, but I want to elaborate on them sufficiently to give everyone a good understanding of my thought process. For some reason, I just don't have the motivation to put it all together right now. I still plan to get it out there...a few more days.

I recently stated that I'm ready to pursue these next steps, but I've had some time to re-evaluate and I think that could have been an emotional response to recent events. Some of the best advice I've received is to wait at least 24 hours to take any action with regards to decisions made in response to emotional triggers. This board is a better place to vent and vet thoughts and ideas before taking action.

I returned from the California trip with my kids and was on cloud 9 after spending a week and a half with them. Even though it would have been wonderful for W to be with us on the trip and I thought about this daily, I felt that my life was still great without her. Then, kids were with W for two nights over the weekend and I experienced loss and loneliness again. When kids were back with me Sunday night, my S8 said a few things that set me off. First, he said that mom is texting all the time when they are at her separation house. I can't stand them being neglected and plopped down in front of the TV when she is in smartphone fantasyland. He also told me the name of OM3. I did some research on him after downloading a free pseudo-background check app. Turns out he has a court record from a few years ago for domestic violence against a female. This made me concerned about the safety of my W and children. I'm debating whether to let WW know, but she has always told me that she's a big girl and can take care of herself. Second, my S8 said he hopes that mom isn't telling people at work that she is single. Finally, S8 said "I don't want to have two dads." This flooded me with sadness and emotion. I had to hide my tears from him. I felt so sorry for what my kids are going through. I wanted so badly to be with the kids everyday going forward and the only way to obtain that is for her to return to the MR. If she refuses, then I'm no worse off as it pertains to my time with the kids than I am right now. So, I decided this is the time to take action and find out the fate of my family. Thus, my post about being done living in limbo.

WW has been more friendly this month. A few days before leaving on the California trip with the kids, she invited me in to her separation house to see some of the renovation projects she is working on. I showed mild interest and merely expressed that I'm happy for her. Then, the night before leaving on the trip the kids were going to stay with me and she wanted to see them. We went over to her house and stayed for almost 2 hours. Most of the time she was chit-chatting with me about the trip, her work, horses, divorced BFF getting stood up again on by a guy on the dating app (has happened to her several times apparently), and also that W decided to de-activate her Facebook profile (probably didn't want her OM to see all of the family pics). I validated and stayed positive but somewhat distant.

Upon returning from the vacation, she asked about the trip the first night when picking up the kids. Then went on to tell me about interaction she had with one of our neighbors that has been helping her train her horse. He is in his 50's, married, but a player. She told me that he was hitting on her and making insinuating comments...not the first time. She knows that he cheats on his wife all the time and told me that she can handle it. She said she told him that "he is married" and that "she is married...still." I don't know how to interpret her saying being married...still. I just looked at her and thought to myself what kind of alien monster are you? How hypocritical to call out this guy, when you've been cheating on me for over 6 months while married.

Over the past few days, small talk has continued. Topics were again on the trip, renovation projects at her house, horses, frustrations at her work. Validation, positivity, and light humor were my responses.

I do have a hypothetical question. In the case of physical separation, how is the LBS to know when the A is over without spying/snooping? Is it ever acceptable to ask the WAS if they are still in contact with the AP? Or is it better to wait until if/when they finally feel remorse and initiate on their own?

I still assume the increased friendly interaction is continued selfish cake eating for her horse and parenting availability to enable her A's with no consequences.