Blu—Thank you!!! I LOVE reading your firm stance posts, and I’m really grateful that you took the time to give me one. I welcome it, always!!! I am in tears reading it, for so many different reasons. Yes, I absolutely have allowed H to eat cake because those moments fuel my hope. I can see that is why it scares me so much to set the very boundaries that I want, need and deserve. It’s why I’m so conflicted; I am angry and resentful of his cake eating, and terrified to truly put my foot down and stop allowing it. I am ready to drop the rope. I wish I could have done it sooner, but I wasn’t ready. I felt I needed to exhaust all other approaches, and I have done that. Thank you for that actionable advice: I don’t need to have boundary/R talks. I just need to live my boundaries. As for possible OW, I know that he was seeing someone shortly after he left, because he told me so. He swears up and down that he didn’t meet her until a few months after he left. I am probably as skeptical, assume-he’s- lying-always as a person can be (that’s actually one of the things H didn’t like about our marriage) and I did ultimately believe him. But I also know that it is entirely possible that it’s a lie. But, you are certainly right in that knowing that it is even a possibility that he had an affair or left me when he met someone else, I can most definitely use that to fuel my detachment fire. Blu, from my heart, thank you so much. This is what I’m here for, and you are more than welcome to come back and smack me over the head any time!!
Thank you as well Alison, living our boundaries, not stating them! I suddenly remember my therapist telling me long ago that boundaries are not set for others, you set them for yourself. Thank you both for reminding me!
My H will be here to pick up D3 in a few hours. I plan to be looking amazing, on my way out the door.
