Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[curtis7]

Well she's certainly poising herself to hit rock bottom in a big way.

Perhaps...the lies, deceit, and manipulation must be very stressful for her to keep up. Must be worth it to her for the emotional highs, thrills, and excitement of getting the attention and being pursued by these OM. Guilt and shame has been suppressed for some time.

I can certainly understand that. But the advice I always offer on this is take a couple of months to make sure it's what you want before you pursue D. If you go back and forth constantly during that 2 months then you're not ready. But if you tell yourself every day for 2 months that you are done and ready for D, and you don't feel any strong emotions over it, then you are ready.

2 months from now would put me right around our 15 year anniversary, how fitting. I hear what you’re saying, and don’t want to make a rash decision on D as it will affect the rest of my life. It’s not in the first few steps I’m considering.

I’m still willing to R, only if the A’s end. It’s time for me to make a final stand. She may or may not feel a crisis, but it will be her choice to make.

If you plan on an ultimatum (quit the affairs or I will file for D) then my suggestion would be not to. If you are convinced you want a D then go ahead and file. THAT will be the ultimatum and much, MUCH more of a wake up call then verbally giving her an ultimatum. What is the difference between the two, well if you file then you really are done. If you're giving her an ultimatum then frankly that tells me you are NOT ready for D and are just trying to get a response out of her.

One of my goals now is to bust the affairs. If those efforts are ineffective, then I will accept the consequences, including D. Maybe we table this until I lay out my options so you have a better idea of the sequence I’m intending to follow.

See that's what I mean- "try almost anything." Divorce is not a marriage-saving technique. Divorce is you ending things because you are DONE. Period.

I say try almost anything based on the following (which I’m in agreement with) from MWD: “When you have children, you owe it to them to leave absolutely no stone unturned if you are considering dissolving your marriage. Once a marriage dissolves, so too, does the family... forever... Once you choose to bring children into the world, divorce isn't a solution to an unhappy marriage. Fixing it is.“

Also, that I can see a future where her and I build a new marriage that satisfies each other’s wants and needs if we can get past this hurdle.