I got the following via txt message early Sunday morning...
"I think we need to talk. I believe we have reached the end of our marriage. It was a good run, but I think we both know it's time to move on. Please know that I love you. Don't be angry. It will do no one any good. We have kids to think about. Let's figure out a plan that works best so no lawyers are involved because they will steal the money. I will obviously need to find a real job but please help me in this process. Don't make me the enemy. We aren't each other enemies. Let's think about the kids and what is best all around. I'm not out to hurt you or try to take everything. It's not in my nature to be that way. I would like to find an apartment nearby so we can make the transition for the kids as smooth as possible. I think we will all be happier in the long run."
Some context to the situation...we've been married 20+ years, 3 kids (20, 12, 8 yo), she is primarily a homemaker working PT 1-2hrs/wk, I earn 99% household income and pay all bills. I have good relationship with the kids. I help my oldest with college etc. My 12 yo is Into sports and I take her to practice and go to games. My 8yo is bright and adventurous, but has ADHD and I've been able to pay for tutoring etc. so he is upto grade lvl in all areas. The kids go to a private elementary and I pay for it all. We shared responsibility for getting the kids ready for school and homework etc. over the years.
Latest txt message from her following a heart to heart conversation yesterday morning....
"The man from Starbucks was of course very flattering in a time that I was extremely vulnerable but I realized that isn't what I want either. I need to grow and rediscover myself. It's a personal journey"....and
"What if you just move into my mom's room for now or vice versa. We can uncouple peacefully and gently. I know how confusing this must feel. This is my independence and self realizations that you are witnessing. It's not an attack on you. By staying under one roof as a non couple it will give more time to sort out financial stuff better and allow for my job process. I think this will be the best way for now."
Yesterday she fixed up our guest BR ("mom's room") and plans to stay in the house until she has a FT job and can live "independant". Some more backstory...she just lost her mom, our nephews fiancee whom she was somewhat close too was murdered and she attended the trial, the husband of a couple we know just passed away leaving the wife with nothing and two kids to raise.
She has stated she is not out to hurt me but suggested that I should move out maybe, I have no intention to do so. She even said that my 20 and 12 yo said me moving out is good idea, but we haven't told the 12 yo yet and the 20 yo doesn't have a strong opinion either way, but has said she doesn't want any "strange" men in the house. My wife also mentioned that she knows that she is entitled to 40% of what I make, but doesn't want to hurt me or the kids....
