Apparently I am confused too. The PA was in 2009, the EA (flirting over social media has been ongoing, he doesn't consider at a problem because they are his friends) have been going on throughout the M.
Since he left in 2017, every time he has come back for work he has stayed in our home (we sold our house in 2018, that's a long story, BL we had 3 houses for 4 months because our buyers backed out right before closing and I had already moved) and my rental. I would estimate he's probably been back and staying with us about 7-8x/year. He also came for X-mas, thanksgiving... He has never stayed in a hotel. I'm guessing he probably should have. My rational behind him staying with me now is that he would be able to notice my 180's, but you are right--it's cake eating.
I appreciate your advice and it makes total sense. I never thought that he would lose respect for me but I can see in ways where he may have.
I know that I told him when he sent the D papers that I was going to press forward because it's what he wanted. He never said he had too he just kept saying I think we need to see it through. I told him if that was the case that I wanted him to know that I would always be there for him (ugh plan B).
I am really kicking myself for not valuing myself enough from the beginning of the separation. I can't go back and change anything I just hope that going forward it's worth DB-ing. When he left initially I should have started DB & 180's, I got so depressed and couldn't function. I'm sure that was a total turn-off.
I was under the impression that we were still together and going through a rough patch, just getting a lot of mixed signals but I think he knew that I am plan B...
Thank you. I'm not sure where to really go from here. I'm worried that if I make him get a hotel, that he won't be able to notice me, but maybe that will give him an opportunity to miss me. Idk...
