Ah Dilly, I wondered where you had got to and I was hoping it was lots of interesting work and GAL.
I'm about to get out to work myself (decided to go into the office a bit more now puppy is old enough to be left for longer... I need to talk to adults more!) but I just wanted to say this quick thing.
I think your husband knows what you need and want. I don't think - given I have read all your posts since I first started out here - that you have been unclear in what you want. He knows you accept responsibility for your part in things and want to make some changes in order to repair the marriage. He knows you want to learn how best to support and care for him. He knows you want respect, love, affection, sex, and a more involved partner. He knows you are willing to let that take a lot of time to grow and build. The problem is not with what you need - it is totally reasonable - or that you have not expressed it.
I think the problem is that you are not accepting he can't or doesn't want to give you what you need, and is happy to dole out some pleasantries as long as you're giving him what he needs. I think your text was passive aggressive and if you wanted to see him you could have rung or texted him and asked for that - and I am guessing the passive aggression came from a place of hurt - you wanted him to ask to see you, to make the arrangement, to make some time for you. I think the key to moving forward from that is to accept that he doesn't want those things - he's just willing to dispense them occasionally if it keeps you in line.
I've been hard, I know. I don't mean to be cruel. But you seem dead set on allowing him to treat you this way and focusing on adjusting your own behaviour to get what you want out of him, and I don't think it is ever going to work, and I think while you keep doing it you're going to be stuck.
