They both do it. WAW's have more legitimate reasons for wanting out of the M, so their motivations are different. They're not leaving because they desperately want something else, they're trying to escape what they see as a dead marriage. WW's on the other hand are usually chasing the dragon.
Well I’m not sure if she is a WAW or WW because she shows so many signs of a WW, but she does have a good reason to be a WAW. I know I can get her to see that this is what she wants, even if she’s gone about this in the worst way possible.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Words don't matter to a WAW at all. Not one bit. So don't even try. Your words should be limited to coordinating stuff about S, and validating when you get the opportunity. You communicate changes to her through actions. And it sounds like you're doing fine on that, but again it takes time so be patient.
Yes and I agree with you that words don’t matter with her. She has told me this before and our MC told us this last week. It’s hard to show her my actions because she won’t even be in the same room with me, except for MC. So I’m trying to GAL and continue to work on my 180’s to show her the person I am.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Just so I understand, she coerced you into moving out, then when you moved back in but the COURT told you that you had to move out again because you had done it voluntarily the first time? I want to make sure I am clear on that because if that is the case, then that is a big reason for us to keep advising LBS's not to move out. Typically we tell them not to because it can create a lot of headaches moving back in later, but this is the first I've heard where the court actually determined someone couldn't move back because they voluntarily moved out. Like you, many LBS's move out because they think they're doing the WAW a favor and that it will increase the chance that she will want to recon later, but in fact it's usually the opposite that happens. As Sandi often says, the WAW has lost all respect for the LBH, that's part of the struggle is regaining respect. When you move out the WAW actually respects you even LESS because you didn't fight for your rights.
Yes you are correct. When I read Sandi’s post, I never realized that’s how she would take it. I realized how she could see that, however that’s not what I meant to do. If that’s the case, then I would hope I would get back that respect and more by coming home.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
One good, meaningful apology is all that is needed. If you've done that then don't apologize anymore. It just makes you look needy to her. That's one of those things LBS's do that just kind of grates on the WAS's nerves. Plus don't lose sight of the fact that she's the one breaking up the marriage, so it's not like her hands are clean in this.
You are so right here. I have apologized for the past 3-4 months for everting, including individually and I’m done. I even told her that the other day. Our therapist has even told her I’ve apologized for everything I’ve done because she doesn’t think I have.
