Is that more of the look of a WAW or a WW? Do they both do that?
They both do it. WAW's have more legitimate reasons for wanting out of the M, so their motivations are different. They're not leaving because they desperately want something else, they're trying to escape what they see as a dead marriage. WW's on the other hand are usually chasing the dragon.
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It’s finding that balance. Any suggestions on how to do that with words? I feel like I’m giving her time and space, dressing well, looking good, focusing on my health, etc. I just feel like I could do more when we interact with our son on webchat.
Words don't matter to a WAW at all. Not one bit. So don't even try. Your words should be limited to coordinating stuff about S, and validating when you get the opportunity. You communicate changes to her through actions. And it sounds like you're doing fine on that, but again it takes time so be patient.
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Yes I moved back in, but was ordered to go to an apartment since I had moved out.
Just so I understand, she coerced you into moving out, then when you moved back in but the COURT told you that you had to move out again because you had done it voluntarily the first time? I want to make sure I am clear on that because if that is the case, then that is a big reason for us to keep advising LBS's not to move out. Typically we tell them not to because it can create a lot of headaches moving back in later, but this is the first I've heard where the court actually determined someone couldn't move back because they voluntarily moved out. Like you, many LBS's move out because they think they're doing the WAW a favor and that it will increase the chance that she will want to recon later, but in fact it's usually the opposite that happens. As Sandi often says, the WAW has lost all respect for the LBH, that's part of the struggle is regaining respect. When you move out the WAW actually respects you even LESS because you didn't fight for your rights.
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This is what has been so hard for me to do. Because I’ve been trying to be so apologetic, I’ve let her run all over me. She knows I am definitely alpha, but I just haven’t been acting like it because I messed up.
One good, meaningful apology is all that is needed. If you've done that then don't apologize anymore. It just makes you look needy to her. That's one of those things LBS's do that just kind of grates on the WAS's nerves. Plus don't lose sight of the fact that she's the one breaking up the marriage, so it's not like her hands are clean in this.
