How To Treat Spouse With Children

[HrtHsbnd]

Yes she will be all over the place for a while. You can listen and validate without riding the coaster with her though. When we talk about "riding the coaster" we're referring to her peaks and valleys, her mood bouncing around. Your goal is to stay off the coaster, while she rides the peaks and valleys you are off to the side remaining steady and constant. You are the rock.

Is that more of the look of a WAW or a WW? Do they both do that?

Pattern your behavior after Sandi's rules. That's what I'm saying- those rules are the template for lovingly detaching.

That is exactly what I’m trying to do. I think the hardest part for me is finding that balance.

What do you think I meant when I said you can't "mean" her back? Extremes don't work. LB made some great points on why.

It’s finding that balance. Any suggestions on how to do that with words? I feel like I’m giving her time and space, dressing well, looking good, focusing on my health, etc. I just feel like I could do more when we interact with our son on webchat.

Wait, I thought you said she changed the locks and you couldn't get in, are you living at home or elsewhere?

Yes I moved back in, but was ordered to go to an apartment since I had moved out.

Hate to sound like a broken record, but you can't "nice" her back. And you can't "mean" her back. STRIKE A BALANCE. It's not about being nice or mean. It's about you being you and giving her time and space. You limit interactions with her, but when you do have to interact, you let Sandi's rules guide that behavior. Sandi's rules are about respecting her need for time and space, acting like you are OK no matter what happens, not having R talks, dressing well, looking good, focusing on your health, etc.

This is what has been so hard for me to do. Because I’ve been trying to be so apologetic, I’ve let her run all over me. She knows I am definitely alpha, but I just haven’t been acting like it because I messed up.