Well I’m trying to listen, validate and seek to understand. She is on a rollercoaster of emotions and so every day brings a different emotion. I try not to read into it, but I find myself adapting to her emotions, which makes it hard.
Yes she will be all over the place for a while. You can listen and validate without riding the coaster with her though. When we talk about "riding the coaster" we're referring to her peaks and valleys, her mood bouncing around. Your goal is to stay off the coaster, while she rides the peaks and valleys you are off to the side remaining steady and constant. You are the rock.
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I feel that this is the hardest part of all of this to do for me, lovingly detach. Any suggestions?
Pattern your behavior after Sandi's rules. That's what I'm saying- those rules are the template for lovingly detaching.
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My thought was to be short, not talk to her, not respond to any text, demand respect, etc.. Basically, to just stop caring anymore.
What do you think I meant when I said you can't "mean" her back? Extremes don't work. LB made some great points on why.
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That’s why I was able to come back home without any issues. We’ve already gone to court to discuss the issue and I got kicked back out again.
Wait, I thought you said she changed the locks and you couldn't get in, are you living at home or elsewhere?
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I just need to continue to be nice and fun without going to an extreme, which is hard for me.
Hate to sound like a broken record, but you can't "nice" her back. And you can't "mean" her back. STRIKE A BALANCE. It's not about being nice or mean. It's about you being you and giving her time and space. You limit interactions with her, but when you do have to interact, you let Sandi's rules guide that behavior. Sandi's rules are about respecting her need for time and space, acting like you are OK no matter what happens, not having R talks, dressing well, looking good, focusing on your health, etc.
