I agree with AS. It sounds like there is drama with OW and that will only get worse in time! OW often tend to be jealous and insecure. They know there is a W in the picture that he chose initially and didn't have this crap-y adulterous R with.
That was certainly the case in my sitch! OW and I had been "friends" (obvi she was never a friend) for years and she knew how my H felt about me and our family. She was always jealous. She knew that he was just using the A to escape our difficult and stressful life (we had a lot going on). She also knew (as they both did) that they could not trust each other, as they were both capable of cheating. He found her needy and annoying, but also she became the only friend that supported him during this messy time. She also flattered him and tried very hard to "get him" in a real R with her. It was a huge mess and all drama. He felt stuck with his bad decision (there was pride too), and thought I would never truly forgive him, and he was afraid he had ruined any chance with me. But he also found her increasingly annoying, which caused him to miss me more. It eventually all spiraled downhill and he couldn't stand her anymore. This happened around the time that I dropped the rope and started to move on. He flipped and did a very fast turnaround when he realized I wasn't waiting anymore ...
Goddess, I think you know what to do here and you seem to be naturally following the DB rules. No, it's not easy tho! I can relate to those feelings of anger -- even when you are out GAL, and realizing there are other options or men, but you know that you only want H. It svcks and feels bad. I even tried to go on a few dates during my separation, but it just didn't feel right to me and I knew I was using it (them) as a distraction. Meanwhile, H had a full on relationship with OW and here I was feeling bad about some meaningless dates. Ugh.
It can be confusing to send two opposite messages simultaneously -- 1. I am not plan B and am moving on with my life, and 2. if you end your A, I might be willing to give you another chance. .... I think you can only go with the first. If, and only if, he comes to you and has ended the A, shows you proof and remorse, and is asking for another chance, then you can entertain the second. ... In the mean time, keep pulling further and further back. His drama with OW should eventually spiral. You get to hold your head up high and remain plan A, that may or may not even want him later. ...
My only real regrets are that I let them (him and OW) control my emotions so much. I hate that I gave them that power over me. I wish that I had held my head up and taken the higher road. There were so many times I lost my cool. You seem to have a better grasp on that.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
