It's been a very long time since my last update and I wanted to fill you in what has been happening in my life in regards to not only my sitch but my life in general.
Summary:
Life is great. I'm the happiest I have ever been in a very long time. My confidence is constantly reaching new heights, my overall moods have for the most part stabilized and settled into a positive, happy normal. My physical health has improved, my relationship with D5 has improved even moreso, and now...I am making progress in my dating life - a life I once struggled with for so long and was briefly set aside with lightning struck when my relationship with my WW began way back in 2008.
Sitch with WW:
I'd be lying if I said I have completely detached from my WW. I have not. There are a few lingering threads that remain, but the more each day passes, the more objectively I can see her. Maybe I just being a little jaded, but WW is a shell of who she once was. She took a new job in the city that has her working upwards of 100 hours per week, and works in an area of Portland that is fast becoming known for petty crime. She has already had her backup camera stolen. In addition, one of her coworkers was in a situation in which a jealous bf threatened her with a gun and shot out her car window. This of course caused the school to go into lockdown mode for the duration of the afternoon and prompted her to call OM2 to pick up DS5 (I still have not met OM2. I know I need to, but I cannot bring myself to do so. The only way I can do is if he hurts D5. That happens and that will end poorly for him.). Following D5's pickup, OM2 got into an accident that injured him. Fortunately D5 escaped with a small shin bruise. Later that day, WW called me crying in hysterics at the events of the days leading up to this (I hate it here, I want to back to the small town at my old job, etc. Nothing about moving back into the house, which...is perfect. I don't want her back.). Things have gotten better, but she is not looking good at all. She appears to have gained weight, she is always complaining of fatigue, and is always dreading her next day at work.
As far as my feelings for her are concerned, I still love her. But right now, I am not IN LOVE with her. And it's so funny to say that because at this time last year, I did not quite grasp how the two can be separated and how the two concepts are distinctive from each other. I have a better understanding of it now and am able and express my feelings towards her. I do have hope of reconciliation WAY WAY WAY down the road. But a lot has to happen in order for that to even be considered. She would need to exhibit behaviors of remorse as pointed out by Sandi, R2C, and other DB veterans. There is none of that. I may see it, I may never see it. And honestly...I don't mind either way. I look at myself and can confidently say that I am doing fantastic. D5 loves both of us immensely and is always missing the other person when either of us has her. If there ever was a spark that would cause the three of us to be a family again, it would be D5. Again, it's out of my hands and in the hands of the higher power. All I am going to do is to continue to do my own thing.
Dating:
I'm being honest here: This is something that I am learning (not learning again) at the age of 38. I have talked to many who told me that the rules of the dating game has changed to which I respond that I never really played the game since any attempts I have made were met with failure. Again, WW was the equivalent of winning the lottery and I rode that to this point where my luck ran out. I have subscribed to a Reddit group dedicated to "the game" and have been putting in work (just like I did here) with members who are seasoned in the dating/pick-up art. I do want to clarify that while the group's goal is to get me plenty of dates and casual relationships, it is also teaching me how to handle it maturely. It teaches me about the mindset of women, about what they are looking for in a man, what they want, and so on. In a nutshell, it's everything this board continues to preach. Things like GAL, being happy with yourself, detaching from their feelings and focusing on personal growth...it's all the same, but just repackaged for the purposes of dating. There is hand-holding, but there is the same tough-love approach there as I obtained here. So I feel right at home in regards to how to respond to critiques of my behaviors. Great stuff. I hit a breakthrough last week and have gone on not one but two different dates this last week with two different women. I am looking forward to what this summer and beyond will bring for me.
Everything else:
My job is going well. Though I had to be pulled back since I got into a little bit of trouble due to my unpreparedness. I am working on rectifying those mistakes and slowly pushing myself into learning new concepts and applying them to my job. Growth is slow, but it's steady, and it's sticking. Right now, it's what I am after and what I am getting. I have started to make genuine friends here. I have a friend at work who I have been hanging out frequently, especially when he hits the bars after works on weekends. Great guy and we enjoy each other's company when we hang out. There is also a young woman who I started talking to on Whisper back in November. We leaned on each other while going through our own ordeals. She would lean on me when she needed the emotional support and I to her. We are finally meeting each other tomorrow with our kids at a park for dinner and play time. I'm looking forward to it and continue to cultivate our friendship. I am slowly working on making the house my own. I bought prints of my photographs and have them hanging about the house. I am cleaning the house on a regular basis and take pride in it. I am making more meals at home and enjoying times with D5 when she stays over. And I am still weight lifting on a weekly basis three time per week. I have completed 44 consecutive weeks and have started week 45 today. Right now, my goal is to get to 52 consecutive weeks of lifting and finish my workout journal from start to finish. I have a few more pages to fill out and I am excited to make my way towards the end of that book. After that, I may continue to do the same routine or make tweaks to it and focus more on muscle tone and fat loss versus strength. But then again, I love the strength growth part of it and would like to continue. The only thing I need to work on is better GAL activities. I am long overdue for an extended vacation and need to set aside a week to relax and spend quality time with myself and D5. I am hoping it comes soon. As happy as I am right now with everything, I need to step back and catch my breath.
I will be forever grateful for all of the support you have given me in the last year. I have said this constantly throughout my journey but I will always repeat it over and over again. You not only saved my life, but have helped me turn it into something even better - something that I thought would never happen.
For those who are currently struggling through your situations, I will echo the same thing numerous folks have said here time and time again: Keep fighting. Keep hoping. Keep going. It will get better. Reconciliation is not the true goal here. Rediscovering yourself and your happiness is the goal. Reconciliation is just something that may come as a bonus. And if it does not, you will still be a better man/woman coming out of this.
Be:
AMOAFWL/AWOAFWL (A man only a fool would leave/A woman only a fool would leave)
),