So...... It's been a while since my last posting. I have still been on, lurking a bit, but decided to take a break from posting for a bit.
I am struggling a little (sometimes a lot), but trying my best to focus on myself. I have good days and bad, as I'm sure everyone does. H is moving in 1 week. He signed a one year lease on an apartment. We have told our children, they are upset, my D27 is angry and frankly, devastated. She is angry he is drinking, she is angry he is leaving. She does not recognize this man, the one who made her so proud all of her life, who taught her that when faced with an obstacle, you fight, you put your nose to the ground and work. She can see that he needs help, she is hurting for him. I hurt for her.
I have been working with a DB coach and she is helping me see things from my H's point of view. She thinks my H is depressed and possibly in an MLC. She agrees with my H that perhaps this separation may be what he needs in order to find clarity and get answers, and that this could be a "new chapter" in our M, as H calls it. She has advised that I treat him as a friend or guest, and validate and empathize as she says he is confused, unsure, and still very connected to me. For example, he initiates texts daily to check in, he updates me on his whereabouts, brings home dinner, etc. When talking to our children he told them much of what he tells me; he is not giving up hope, we will try to work things out, and "I could realize in a week that it was the biggest mistake of my life." etc. He is full of "ifs" and "maybes". Everything about moving is overwhelming him. He says things to me such as- "I think my landlord it worried I am going to back out." He doesn't even want to think about the actual action of moving, what it involves, and how he will feel. Of course, I just listen and validate. He ends each conversation with, "I'm sure your thinking, then don't leave!"
Of course, all of this talk doesn't change a thing as he is leaving in a matter of days. And of course believe nothing.....
I could certainly use some advice. I am struggling with the amount of contact I want to keep with my H once he moves out. He would like to keep it pretty open; if we feel like texting or calling- do it. He will stop by on the weekend to do yard work and visit the dog- If I want to be here, great- maybe grab coffee or a beer. Part of me wants to keep the lines of communication open and see what happens. Maybe see how I feel after the first week.... The other part of me wants to respectfully ask for a period of no contact, allowing me to reflect and begin to heal. I have gone back and forth a hundred times, I am torn.
Good things- I have finished all of my coursework for my master's degree. I interviewed for a new job. I booked a vacation for the kids and I, I've been busy at the gym, reconnected with some old friends, and bought myself a new kayak today. Not only did I buy it, but loaded and unloaded it myself!
