Separated 1 Year: Detaching

[97Hope]

Hi Hope. I notice that you have boundary 'talks'. Could you just have boundaries for yourself and if he skirts the line, address is as it happens? But don't make it an R talk - for instance - since you said he could make pancakes - just let him and D have breakfast together and don't join in?

Maybe next time just say, this isn't a good time? Everything I've read says not to initiate the R talks, in my mind that would include boundaries. Actions speak louder than words. If you've come across the line, I can see where he thinks it's ok. I might be projecting here - if I allow my H to do one thing, he's in his underwear in my kitchen making himself at home the next tuesday!!

Just a thought. It also might seem confusing if you say he can do something and then have a big talk about it. Just going forward, remember that pancakes aren't something you feel comfortable doing at this time and head it off if you know it will be painful for you later.