Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

[CanBird]

Link to ---> Detachment Thread


I read the ‘Detachment Thread’, and have listed below the ones that really resonated with me. But first a quick review of my situation. H is away at sea/work until November. I believe he’s in MLC mode. (For more details, read the first post of my thread).

From Detachment Thread
-Back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
- …Let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions, and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
-Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.
-Recognize that it is …. "unhealthy" to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change.
-Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself and be "squeaky clean" and a "role model" of health in order for another to recognize that there is something "wrong" with them that needs changing.
-Accept and admit to yourself that the other person, place or thing is "sick," dysfunctional or irrational, and that no matter what you say, do or demand you will not be able to control or change this reality.
-Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you. All others are the unchangeable things in your life.
-Change your expectations that things will be better than what they really are. Hand these people, places or things over to your Higher Power and let go of the need to change them.
-Affirm yourself as being a person who "deserves" healthy, wholesome, health-engendering relationships in your life.
-You are a good person and deserve healthy relationships, at home, work and in the community.
-Continue to engage respectfully in the relationship, recognizing that people are responsible for themselves and that you don’t cause them to be like they are and therefore aren’t responsible to fix them. You can even learn how to detach with love, treating people with courtesy and kindness while you give them the dignity to live their own lives.

[CanBird]

Today I've been taking care of d3, she's been a little under the weather & yesterday evening, she tripped and hurt her arm. It's been aching her all night and day. I'm using my best judgement, and not taking care of her at home for now.

Taking care of d3 is my number one priority over GAL. She is my life. The only GAL I'll be doing is more organizing. That is something that keeps me busy, while she's resting.

I did manage to sell two baby items! Yippy to decluttering! I can't stand clutter, makes me feel cluttered.

[Traveler]

Taking care of d3 is my number one priority over GAL. She is my life. The only GAL I'll be doing is more organizing. That is something that keeps me busy, while she's resting. I did manage to sell two baby items! Yippy to decluttering! I can't stand clutter, makes me feel cluttered.

It feels so good! Spent my day decluttering, too. Maybe, it's making new space for this new life?

I hope D3 feels better after a day's rest.

[CanBird]

Took d3 to doctors today; she just needs to rest up, take it easy. We had a good 2 hour nap. Pool guy is coming tomorrow. Hopefully its all an easy fix.

Nothing else.

[CanBird]

Last night I read a few articles on surviving your spouses mid life crisis (MLC). One article replaced the word crisis with 'challenge' . Brilliant! Let's call it what it is, a CHALLENGE.

Are you ready to take on this challenge? Are you ready to train for this challenge?

My challenge begins with thinking about things differently. Stopping, and choosing how I react, before reacting.

(Facts: H is facing challenges that confuse him, he's not himself, he needs change, I'm not the challenge. He's facing challenges within himself. My role in this is to LISTEN. STEP aside and let him figure out his challenge. He brought these challenges he was having up, it's up to him to take them on)

His challenges are not my challenges.

This way of thinking can be used in so many challenging situations.

YOU are in control of the way you react to situations. You may not have control of the situation, but you do have control over the way you react to it. Be positive and remember what you want from this challenge. What is your end goal when this challenge ends.

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE. Don't let others challenge you.
Be true to yourself in your pursuit of happiness.

[CanBird]

Today so far. D3 & I are doing well. Had a play date this morning and another this afternoon that includes pizza! I love not cooking..lol.. I'm an eat to survive kind of person. (Don't like cooking).

Pool pump finally got fixed yesterday!! Water isn't clear; that's my latest distraction. A work in progress. I wear many hats while H is gone 6 months at a time for work.

Ah yes, another distraction is dealing with a dental insurance claim, from April, that my dental office forgot to submit! Like I said, I wear many hats when H is away.

[CanBird]

Keep up the good work.

[CanBird]

Here we are. It's today. Nothing new. Same old same old. I probably have the most boring thread out there.

Yesterday we did our morning at the library. Still working on clearing up the pool.

Today, so far, we went to the community pool. That was fun. Chatted with a few new parents, and one of our friends was there. It was fun. Great place to practice d3 swimming skills.

Tonight going to a community event. Meeting up with our friends. Nothing else really exciting going on. Oh, a good bye party on Sunday.

Still playing phone tag between my dentist office & my insurance company. Never had an issue before; I'm guessing they have new staff or something. Oh well. I'm thankful for heath insurance, for being healthy and thankful that we're okay waiting for this to get solved.

[CanBird]

In tears. Just finished reading more threads on MLC, WAS. The Lighthouse & The Picnic stories. Some great advice.

Dusting myself off now. D3 & I are going out.

[SteveLW]

Can. It seems you're doing pretty well. I know none of this is easy. Do you have an questions? If you ask some questions I'm sure the beers here will jump right in!