Having a rough and confusing morning. As I mentioned in previous post, my H and I had a conversation a few weeks back about needed increase in boundaries in our situation. For the most part it all sticking; I leave when H comes here on his scheduled days to see D3, or he takes her to dinner out or at his place. Another one was Saturday mornings; he comes to pick her up first thing, and for a long time they would make a pancake breakfast and we’d all eat together before they left. During our boundaries talk I brought this up, and said as sad as it is for D3, we have to stop doing that as it sends a confusing message to her, it isn’t sustainable and just doesn’t make sense any more. (What I didn’t say, but I’d quite relevant, is that it also makes me incredible sad to have a pretend family breakfast and then send them off for the day.) He agreed and we decided to stop doing it. That stuck for a couple of Saturdays. Then last Saturday he texted before he arrived to ask if it would be ok to mane pancakes with her. I said fine, thinking it would be an occasional one off and that he’d ask first. Then this morning he came in and she asked to make pancakes (as she always does) and he said sure and headed into my kitchen with her. I have SO many feelings. 1) on some level it’s nice and familiar and safe feeling to have them doing that BUT 2) it isnt real and it is unfair to me and to D3 to keep digging the rut of that routine if he truly wants D. 3) I’m extremely sad, having had breakfast with my H and young child and then watching them pack up to go on a beach day to which I’m not invited. 4)I’m really annoyed because now I feel I have to bring it up and have that painful, scary conversation about these boundaries again, and I don’t think it’s fair that I’m in this position. I had that talk already. I thought this problem was taken care of. There is no consistency with H. Nothing sticks. We have these conversations in which he states being 100% sure about moving forward with D and then nothing changes. We had what felt like this big, turning point conversation about boundaries in our relationship and then he just slips back into the old ways. And it’s all on ME to police it and maintain the lines for my sake and the sake of my daughter. I suppose it’s just more cake eating on his part? In taking the path of least resistance for himself regardless of what we decide is best for all? And now I have to decide whether to let it slide or to muster up and talk about it all over again. I’d appreciate advice or input on this
