I feel ya IHC I need to work on not getting sucked into hearing the hit list for the 20th time. I want her to know I hear and understand her feelings but jeez I’ve heard it too much already.
Just on here to vent real quick. Found out W is out bowling and going on a beer bike tonight. This annoys me because throughout much of our R she denied sooooo many requests of mine to go out and do things. Driving an hour to see my dad who has taken us on multiple vacations: “no I don’t want to sit in the car that long.” Want to go to my hockey game that lasts all of an hour: “oh no I do t want to take the time to put make up on I just want to relax.” Want to go try this new food place? “Oh no I’d rather just stay home.”
After years of me getting denied going out and doing fun things I guess I stopped asking. Then a few weeks ago on one of her hit lists talks she says, “I want someone who will take me on adventures.” I didn’t say this in response but wtf I’ve been trying to get you out of the house for years!!
And then I find out tonight she’s out doing all these fun outgoing things after years of being such a homebody that she won’t go out with our closest friends more than once a month?! Drives me fcking crazy. I know I should be at a point of detachment at this point where I don’t care but sht I’m annoyed as fck right now. Figured it’s better to type it out on here than annoy my friends with it. Thanks...
If you read back on my sich I dealt with this too. It drove me fu#king insane. Every time I would ask my w to go out on Friday night "No I'm too tired from work" when we bought the house seven years ago I wanted to live in the country in rural and grow produce., live the simple minimalist. She wanted Suburbia and convenience to allow access to all things. now she wants to live in a cabin in the woods and grow produce and be a beekeeper. I asked her where the hell were these desires 7 years ago? She said she wasn't ready yet. I bought her a pistol two or three years ago and I've asked her numerous times to come to the range to get proficient on it. She would always have some excuse never to want to go. Now she wants to go there to the range with my brother's ex-girlfriend was also divorced. when she wanted to have her family and company over it was okay. when I want to have my friends or family or company over she wanted her space and I was forced to go to the retreat to the backyard. when I wanted to go out and try a new restaurant to go out dancing. More excuses of " no thanks not tonight I'm too tired" what I want to work hard on the yard and the projects around the house, she wanted to gleefully escape and go out on a whim and not keep her commitments, then blame it all on me that I was antisocial, one it was anything further from the truth. All the things I wanted to do early on now she wants to do away from me.
Eventually I stopped asking too. If you look at them very carefully Halsey it's a depression. They fall into a depression, then they no longer want or need you, then all the sudden they want to have all these life experiences that you wanted to have in the first place. They also try and blame you for it. If it wasn't for double standards they have no standards at all. I complained a lot about this early on in my sich to my younger brother, because I was like WTF too. It's a depression of them wanted to live their life on their own terms. My brother said it's not that she didn't want to do these things she just didn't want to do them with you. Which makes perfect sense. I've seen this pattern repetitively with every relationship that I have ended. they get bored stuck and depressed and they start looking for purpose and meaning in their life through new experiences, new men, new friends, new travel new vacations etc. it's like the same man they wanted you to be when you were first courting them they denied all throughout the marriage. Then when it came time not only to do the real work but also have some real experiences they denied you of them and then went and explored them independently on their own away from you.
it is human nature to never be satisfied especially when you do not have a strong sense of self principles and values. They are looking for their tribe so to speak. Let them go and let it go otherwise it's just going to annoy you in Anger you. you will keep continually asking yourself why now? it almost has the same effect of you changing before their eyes and them getting angry at you for changing too little too late
