Are WASs typically nice to their Hs? Except for telling me ILYBIANILWY and that she is not physically attracted to me, she has been very nice through this whole thing. In my post above, it was her idea to go on this family sporting outing last night. She still texts me about her day. ARRRGGHHH, I get so confused.
I can't speak for anyone else. Mine is not. She is a raving lunatic, she is playing the victim card at every corner, she used the nuclear weapon of abuse in court, etc. Reasonable and amicable to her means that i give her whatever she demands; if i don't then it is my fault we are here again. Moving past the constant blame is tough.
The only thing that is consistent is that i am the root of all of her problems. Everything else swings wildly back and forth.
I have improved my listening skills, my mindset, and my interactions with her. The anger from her has subsided a little, the demands not so much. The anger comes back whenever i don't agree to her demands. She calls it standing up for herself; i call it acting like a selfish B. Not to her face of course. We can agree to disagree.
She did dig through some drawers and get some old pictures of the kids that we didn't give away(wallet sizes) from 5-8 years ago and put them in a folder and gave them to me for fathers day. The expectation was that i would be super thankful and so happy that she went out of her way to do this for me. She was mad at me for not giving her a mothers day gift.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Are WASs typically nice to their Hs? Except for telling me ILYBIANILWY and that she is not physically attracted to me, she has been very nice through this whole thing. In my post above, it was her idea to go on this family sporting outing last night. She still texts me about her day. ARRRGGHHH, I get so confused.
I can't speak for anyone else. Mine is not. She is a raving lunatic, she is playing the victim card at every corner, she used the nuclear weapon of abuse in court, etc. Reasonable and amicable to her means that i give her whatever she demands; if i don't then it is my fault we are here again. Moving past the constant blame is tough.
The only thing that is consistent is that i am the root of all of her problems. Everything else swings wildly back and forth.
I have improved my listening skills, my mindset, and my interactions with her. The anger from her has subsided a little, the demands not so much. The anger comes back whenever i don't agree to her demands. She calls it standing up for herself; i call it acting like a selfish B. Not to her face of course. We can agree to disagree.
She did dig through some drawers and get some old pictures of the kids that we didn't give away(wallet sizes) from 5-8 years ago and put them in a folder and gave them to me for fathers day. The expectation was that i would be super thankful and so happy that she went out of her way to do this for me. She was mad at me for not giving her a mothers day gift.
LB55. Im just curious? I don't like the idea of "negotiating with terrorists" lol ... if their "demands" are unreasonable. When your W is "standing up for herself" I can understand the perception about the "acting like a selfish b" part, even under all the niceties to your face, by their actions. I have to ask. Is it possibly because she feels overpowered, or talked down to from past interactions from you when M was good? Or is it because she is being coached by some type of encouragement, empowerment, or influential group? Or has her heart just turned that cold? Are her demands that unreasonable?
The efforts to me that your W put into a Father's Day gift, since the pictures are out of a drawer from 5 to 8 years ago, the effort seems half @ssed to me. But the thought is still there. I still would have expressed some appreciation for it. Even though my W and I aren't talking, and that's because of it being my own terms for setting current boundaries, last year for W first Mother's Day. I didn't get W anything, I just took her out to dinner. I can understand why she thought I put no effort into it and she was right. I didn't make my that same mistake this year, and got her a small but nice journal for adventurous travel, with and from S1. She put a lot of thought and effort into putting together a Shutterfly Dad and S1 scrapbook for Father's Day from over the last year, and got me 5 free classes to some martial arts which she knew I've wanted to do over the last couple of years. She also played off the gifts from S1. The martial arts classes in something she had to give me. Both kind of softens my heart a little bit, but I'm not reading into it, and still not speaking with her other than logistics. I'm still trying to find a balance between being friendly and not bitter, and accepting who she currently is and what her actions are torwards me. It still feels selfish and betrayal like, the actions she is taking, it's a lot of logic vs. emotion and heart vs. head with me. I don't want to cut off my own nose to spite my face, but accept things for who and what they currently are, and keep things in check by treating people how they currently treat me. If they give a little then I give a little if they take a little when I take a little. I hope I'm doing this right and it's a healthy approach of distance and boundaries, but enough of caring and being fair.
The efforts to me that your W put into a Father's Day gift, since the pictures are out of a drawer from 5 to 8 years ago, the effort seems half @ssed to me. But the thought is still there. I still would have expressed some appreciation for it.
I said thank you when she gave them to me. It was a total no effort situation, other than to get rid of some more stuff she doesn’t want. I’m not upset by it, I didn’t do anything for her other then swap weekends so the kids could be with her for mother’s day. They both made her things, so getting her a gift from the kids didn’t make sense to me. They already had gifts for her.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Are WASs typically nice to their Hs? Except for telling me ILYBIANILWY and that she is not physically attracted to me, she has been very nice through this whole thing. In my post above, it was her idea to go on this family sporting outing last night. She still texts me about her day. ARRRGGHHH, I get so confused.
I can't speak for anyone else. Mine is not. She is a raving lunatic, she is playing the victim card at every corner, she used the nuclear weapon of abuse in court, etc. Reasonable and amicable to her means that i give her whatever she demands; if i don't then it is my fault we are here again. Moving past the constant blame is tough.
The only thing that is consistent is that i am the root of all of her problems. Everything else swings wildly back and forth.
I have improved my listening skills, my mindset, and my interactions with her. The anger from her has subsided a little, the demands not so much. The anger comes back whenever i don't agree to her demands. She calls it standing up for herself; i call it acting like a selfish B. Not to her face of course. We can agree to disagree.
She did dig through some drawers and get some old pictures of the kids that we didn't give away(wallet sizes) from 5-8 years ago and put them in a folder and gave them to me for fathers day. The expectation was that i would be super thankful and so happy that she went out of her way to do this for me. She was mad at me for not giving her a mothers day gift.
LB55. Im just curious? I don't like the idea of "negotiating with terrorists" lol ... if their "demands" are unreasonable. When your W is "standing up for herself" I can understand the perception about the "acting like a selfish b" part, even under all the niceties to your face, by their actions. I have to ask. Is it possibly because she feels overpowered, or talked down to from past interactions from you when M was good? Or is it because she is being coached by some type of encouragement, empowerment, or influential group? Or has her heart just turned that cold? Are her demands that unreasonable?
My problem is the difference between words and actions. She will say she wants me to spend more time with the kids. Then when I ask for more; she says that she isn’t comfortable with the idea of me getting any more time with them. She told me a 50/50 split will not be considered, it isnt fair to her and the kids. Told me that I am lucky to get my 4 days a month from the judge. She asked the court that I get 2 hours with them once a month with supervision from CPS. The judge thought that was preposterous.
She told the court that the minimum she needed to get by on was $9000 a month. She doesn’t work.
She told me the only way we aren’t going to court is if I agree to give her all 3 houses we own together. If I don’t I am taking away her income (rental homes) and that isn’t fair to her. She isn’t open to negotiation unless it’s her plan and I accept it. If I disagree in any way I am being unreasonable.
Her best friend is a divorced mom that retains 5 different lawyers and lives in a waterfront home. Doesn’t work because she collects so much fromex husbands. They hang out all day and figure out ways to make life harder for me and laugh at me when I struggle(I don’t actually know this but I feel that way).
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
I found out that my in laws know about our marriage problems. I am not sure exactly what my wife has told them, but I am really hurt that they haven't reached out to give me any comfort. I have known them for over 20 years. What have your experiences with your inlaws been like through your problems? Do you think I should talk to them? I haven't because I am scared my wife will view it as me trying to use them to make her feel guilty and pressured.
I have another question. I have no evidence that my WAW is having an affair, but I given the percentages from people who say ILYBIANILWY, I really want to find out. Do you think I should do everything possible to find out? I am scared that I might uncover evidence that she is planning divorce. Like she is planning to file on X date, or I would read her inner thoughts to her friends that might really mess me up emotionally. What do you guys think?
My in-laws didn’t know, but I would not have expected them to reach out to me to try to give me comfort. Honestly, I think it’s a bit odd that you expect them to.
Definitely don’t contact them.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Are WASs typically nice to their Hs? Except for telling me ILYBIANILWY and that she is not physically attracted to me, she has been very nice through this whole thing. In my post above, it was her idea to go on this family sporting outing last night. She still texts me about her day. ARRRGGHHH, I get so confused.
I can't speak for anyone else. Mine is not. She is a raving lunatic, she is playing the victim card at every corner, she used the nuclear weapon of abuse in court, etc. Reasonable and amicable to her means that i give her whatever she demands; if i don't then it is my fault we are here again. Moving past the constant blame is tough.
The only thing that is consistent is that i am the root of all of her problems. Everything else swings wildly back and forth.
I have improved my listening skills, my mindset, and my interactions with her. The anger from her has subsided a little, the demands not so much. The anger comes back whenever i don't agree to her demands. She calls it standing up for herself; i call it acting like a selfish B. Not to her face of course. We can agree to disagree.
She did dig through some drawers and get some old pictures of the kids that we didn't give away(wallet sizes) from 5-8 years ago and put them in a folder and gave them to me for fathers day. The expectation was that i would be super thankful and so happy that she went out of her way to do this for me. She was mad at me for not giving her a mothers day gift.
LB55. Im just curious? I don't like the idea of "negotiating with terrorists" lol ... if their "demands" are unreasonable. When your W is "standing up for herself" I can understand the perception about the "acting like a selfish b" part, even under all the niceties to your face, by their actions. I have to ask. Is it possibly because she feels overpowered, or talked down to from past interactions from you when M was good? Or is it because she is being coached by some type of encouragement, empowerment, or influential group? Or has her heart just turned that cold? Are her demands that unreasonable?
My problem is the difference between words and actions. She will say she wants me to spend more time with the kids. Then when I ask for more; she says that she isn’t comfortable with the idea of me getting any more time with them. She told me a 50/50 split will not be considered, it isnt fair to her and the kids. Told me that I am lucky to get my 4 days a month from the judge. She asked the court that I get 2 hours with them once a month with supervision from CPS. The judge thought that was preposterous.
She told the court that the minimum she needed to get by on was $9000 a month. She doesn’t work.
She told me the only way we aren’t going to court is if I agree to give her all 3 houses we own together. If I don’t I am taking away her income (rental homes) and that isn’t fair to her. She isn’t open to negotiation unless it’s her plan and I accept it. If I disagree in any way I am being unreasonable.
Her best friend is a divorced mom that retains 5 different lawyers and lives in a waterfront home. Doesn’t work because she collects so much fromex husbands. They hang out all day and figure out ways to make life harder for me and laugh at me when I struggle(I don’t actually know this but I feel that way). [/quote
Originally Posted by LB55
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
Originally Posted by LB55
[quote=Destroyd]Are WASs typically nice to their Hs? Except for telling me ILYBIANILWY and that she is not physically attracted to me, she has been very nice through this whole thing. In my post above, it was her idea to go on this family sporting outing last night. She still texts me about her day. ARRRGGHHH, I get so confused.
I can't speak for anyone else. Mine is not. She is a raving lunatic, she is playing the victim card at every corner, she used the nuclear weapon of abuse in court, etc. Reasonable and amicable to her means that i give her whatever she demands; if i don't then it is my fault we are here again. Moving past the constant blame is tough.
The only thing that is consistent is that i am the root of all of her problems. Everything else swings wildly back and forth.
I have improved my listening skills, my mindset, and my interactions with her. The anger from her has subsided a little, the demands not so much. The anger comes back whenever i don't agree to her demands. She calls it standing up for herself; i call it acting like a selfish B. Not to her face of course. We can agree to disagree.
She did dig through some drawers and get some old pictures of the kids that we didn't give away(wallet sizes) from 5-8 years ago and put them in a folder and gave them to me for fathers day. The expectation was that i would be super thankful and so happy that she went out of her way to do this for me. She was mad at me for not giving her a mothers day gift.
LB55. Im just curious? I don't like the idea of "negotiating with terrorists" lol ... if their "demands" are unreasonable. When your W is "standing up for herself" I can understand the perception about the "acting like a selfish b" part, even under all the niceties to your face, by their actions. I have to ask. Is it possibly because she feels overpowered, or talked down to from past interactions from you when M was good? Or is it because she is being coached by some type of encouragement, empowerment, or influential group? Or has her heart just turned that cold? Are her demands that unreasonable?
My problem is the difference between words and actions. She will say she wants me to spend more time with the kids. Then when I ask for more; she says that she isn’t comfortable with the idea of me getting any more time with them. She told me a 50/50 split will not be considered, it isnt fair to her and the kids. Told me that I am lucky to get my 4 days a month from the judge. She asked the court that I get 2 hours with them once a month with supervision from CPS. The judge thought that was preposterous.
She told the court that the minimum she needed to get by on was $9000 a month. She doesn’t work.
She told me the only way we aren’t going to court is if I agree to give her all 3 houses we own together. If I don’t I am taking away her income (rental homes) and that isn’t fair to her. She isn’t open to negotiation unless it’s her plan and I accept it. If I disagree in any way I am being unreasonable.
Her best friend is a divorced mom that retains 5 different lawyers and lives in a waterfront home. Doesn’t work because she collects so much fromex husbands. They hang out all day and figure out ways to make life harder for me and laugh at me when I struggle(I don’t actually know this but I feel that way).
LB555. I almost spit out my coffee and slammed my fist on the dashboard of the car after reading that! (Don't worry I'm parked.) Talk about entitlement complex!!! I think you need to invest in some additional propery consisting of wooded acreage and a backhoe....lol... Reading things like that really light a fire under my @$$ about how good men get ruined financially by their ex wives. That is beyond unreasonable its absolutely insane!!!
I found out that my in laws know about our marriage problems. I am not sure exactly what my wife has told them, but I am really hurt that they haven't reached out to give me any comfort. I have known them for over 20 years. What have your experiences with your inlaws been like through your problems? Do you think I should talk to them? I haven't because I am scared my wife will view it as me trying to use them to make her feel guilty and pressured.
My wife has also told the in-laws. I briefly considered reaching out to them but then thought better of it - she’s told them her version of the M, has not told them of her EA and twisted the story to absolve herself of any responsibility in her decision to D. I expect most do the same so it would be a losing battle, you are the one at fault for hurting their daughter in their eyes. At least that’s my perspective.
Her parents had a dysfunctional marriage and are divorced so I’m sure they “understand “.
