Hahaha okay here we go I’m about to sound like a basket case. Typing this before I go to bed so maybe I will cool off when I wake up. But I’m pissed. A lot of you vets have been telling me she’s just dragging me along as back up plan. She is cake eating and I recently found out she is out partying most nights she doesn’t have our S. But for all I know she gets mommy the enabler to watch my Son while she goes out partying.
I thought there were many improvements in our R before the separation began. We lived together still for roughly 2 months after BD and things with her went from cold and withdrawn to flirty and cuddling. We were sexual and even made out the night before she was to move out. This gave me hope. I thought that my 180s had started to thaw her heart and that she was seeing that I was capable of change.
The history: I am not a nice guy. I consider myself alpha physically and mentally. During R often times it was my way or the highway. Often times when she asked for favors/ expressed her needs I viewed them as her trying to gain control/take power and would usually deny her requests. I was an [censored]. In my mind things weren’t that bad but recently W let me know that she felt like I settled for her because she was there and convenient. Now I don’t think I was a terrible H, but my affection for her decreased significantly when her mom moved in with us to help with expenses related to newborn son. In her mind things have been bad for years, but this is untrue. I took care of many things and I realize that in the last year since Son was born, including death of my father, I started doing many little things wrong. I admit this and can fix those things and I already have 180d on them all.
Currently I feel she has attraction for me. Our recent trip to Disneyland had her pursuing me hard because she thought I was moving on and had a new girlfriend which I don’t but I didn’t let her know that. We had s*x for this first time in 3ish months which was a goal of mine. After trip where we got along quite well I asked her to get dinner/drinks with me alone without baby (per sandis advice). She declined. She has expressed wanted to spend family time with me and S for 4th of July but due to her declining of my dinner invitation this seems to be obvious cake eating. Because of how I treated her when M was okay, I have allowed a lot of cake eating as a 180 of sorts. This I have done against the advice of many vets here.
I told my wife a few weeks after BD that a PA is a deal breaker for me as I will not have a W who sleeps with other men. I found no evidence of PA or EA but now that we are separated what is stopping her. I just read some advice that says the main reason for S is for the WAW to date/pa with other people.
With her new found hobby of going out drinking and partying with a new group of friends I find it almost impossible for her to not be partaking in PA. Which I said before is a deal breaker. I was under the impression that because things turned around a bit before Separation and how things went during trip to Disney land that progress was being made. I think this was delusional of me. My impulsive instinct is to file for D immediately. Maybe I will feel different in the morning but I’d like to have some input from you guys.
PA is deal breaker. W is separated and out partying. Logically it’s safe to say she is committing PA. Not to sound cocky but I have received a lot of attention from other woman now that we are S, including 2 prior close friends of my W. Not that I have acted on this but I’m not at all worried about my chances being single.
I am angry thinking that my W is PAing and although she wouldn’t tell me and it would be hard for me to find out but if I knew for certain she was, I would file immediately. So that’s where we are at. My gut instinct tells me to file. I know my Sitch is very young but my gut instinct is to file now that I am getting the idea that she was stringing me along while she looks for another man...
Maybe someone can talk me down from the ledge. Okay rant over thanks all.
