Since IHS in Jan. and established informal monthly custodial arrangement. When I take off of work to watch S1 whether it be voluntarily due to inclimate weather, or whether it be to W's circumstances with MIL OR FIL or W's own health conditions. It doesn't count with her.
I'm just trying to sort out exactly what's happening, you have 50-50 custody? When you say you take time off work to watch S1 due to "W's circumstances with MIL or FIL or W's own health conditions" is that during your custodial time or W's? If it's during W's, my suggestion would be not to do it. She's responsible for watching S1 during her time, and you clearly need to save days so that you can take off to watch him during yours when an emergency arises. That's how separation and divorce work, you're not a team anymore. You've got to split the custody and each of you has to deal with the terms of that however necessary. XW and I did it for years (still do with S). We switched off weekly and were solely responsible for whatever came up during the week. She had her mom to help, I had no one. But I made due.
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Not a huge sacrifice on my part, but also at a time when there was a lot of inclimate weather, snow and rain where I was voluntarily watching S1 to give W and MIL a break. So I am losing money to pay financial obligation two fold. In addition to that, I have taken off additional days over past two months to watch S1 while MIL was going through her issues. But again anything I do is not acknowledged, considered, or is equitible to her.
Well, that's the sort of thing you do in a happy marriage. But in separation, it no longer applies. You need to define the separation agreement on custody and if things happen with S during her week then don't rescue her. Save your days off for YOUR custody.
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Everyone on here months ago has told me "Well if she fired you as her H" then it is both of your responsibility to figure out your own arrangements so that is what I did. I left her to figure out hers, and mine my own. But that doesn't count torwards anything with her.
Curious what you mean by "it doesn't count towards anything with her"? If you're taking days off to care for S during your custodial time, then why does she care? That doesn't help her in any way, that's YOUR responsibility. Whether you take time off or find a sitter or whatever, that's for you to deal with. And when she has S it's for her to deal with. The way you need to look at it is this- when you have S, you are a single parent. You don't parent your child to earn accolades or credit from someone, you do it because it's the right thing to do, it's your responsibility.
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In other words she "wants equal suffrage" from me for all the days she had to miss work related to child care due to her parents illnesses as of recently.
How much time she takes off during her custodial time is not your concern and vice versa. If he's never sick when you have him and always sick when she has him, well that's just bad luck on her part. Sounds like one or both of you are kind of struggling with the concept of "separation". You're still co-parents, but you're not a husband and wife team.
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Then she was unclear about terms of me going away for two weeks, staying "we need the money" but then wanted me to make up for "my nights" that I missed while I was away after the fact. Which I am doing.
OK well that sounds reasonable. If she watched S for you when you were supposed to be watching him, then you do owe her. But don't let her define those terms, agree to it IN ADVANCE. IE, if you're going on a trip then say (I'm supposed to have S on XXX week but I need to make a work trip, can you swap weeks with me? If you can take him on XXX I'll take him on YYY week." Don't just say "I'll make it up to you later" because then she'll want to use your makeup days "on demand" when it's convenient for her. Communication is everything! Be clear and concise!
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I know it sounds like I am,being cold and legalistic, but if this isn't cake eating, then I don't know what is?
This just sounds like frustration and lack of communication both ways rather than cake-eating.
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Its gotten so petty around here that even the food, the dishes, and everything in between has to be accounted for. In others words. The other night she offered me a slice of pizza she ordered with her $ I accepred, then, even though fair, just expected me to do the dishes "for payment"
Do you think that's unreasonable? W invited me to Thanksgiving at her mom's. It was her, her mom, me and our 3 kids. I did ALL the dishes, pots pans and silverware all by hand as a "thank you" for the meal. It's really no big deal. I think you're both trapped in this cycle of thinking you're being unfairly treated by the other, so you look for conspiracies everywhere. You know how we all preach to "take the moral high road", try and think about what that means in your sitch. You need to be the beacon, the rock, the light house NO MATTER HOW YOUR W BEHAVES!
