Making the best of the mess.

[97Hope]

what is it about your current therapist that made her the "right" one for you?

My current therapist told me straight away that she wasn't going to see me for "months on end until the end of time". Our visits were focused, centered on me and my well-being/growth, and productive. She gave me homework. She was not there to just listen to the issues and validate, we got to work. EMDR was most of it but even before that she had great insight into my struggles, but was able to guide me to figure them out and put a name to them. For instance, the Bible talks about "taking every thought captive and turning it over to the obedience of Christ". - I knew that I needed to do that, but didn't know how.

She led me in a way that helped me identify what I was telling myself (guilt and shame messages) and what to do with them. That was the most important and first step we took together. Unfortunately, I can give you a longer list of what happened with previous therapists:

1. My first therapist was great until he wasn't. I had PTSD and during a session, I was triggered and he said I was being a "pill". (this was something my parents said to me after I was molested and had episodes). He also suggested to my H that I had BPD. A psychiatrist later confirmed that I did not, PTSD and major depression, but def not BPD.

2. Same therapist suggested that my H continuing to work with his former affair partner could be a "growing experience' for our marriage. WHILE I was still doing EMDR with him. ??? Told him that if the AP had dragged me in the street, beat the heck out of me and left me bleeding to death, would he still suggest that H work with them everyday? UGh.

3. Another MC fell asleep during our last session, prior to this he told me my issue was contempt but didn't tell me how to get through it or what to do to help.

4. A psychiatrist dropped me immediately after I told her one of my medications was making me feel suicidal. (I later learned that her son committed suicide and she doesn't treat suicidal clients) even though I tried to explain that I never felt that way until I started taking the meds.

5. A very well-meaning counselor was amazing at listening and validating, but it was a lot of me talking about the issues and never really focused on results. Maybe "talk therapy" if that's a thing. I had been talking about my issues for years, I needed help, so every visit I would leave with an emotional hangover, but nothing new to do or try or work on.

This was over 7 years trying to find help. It's part of the reason it's frustrating that H just got tired of dealing with "my issues". It wasn't like I wasn't trying!!