Once we have expectations or become hopeful again, we open ourselves up to become vulnerable and to more hurt again.
This is something I worry about. I can almost feel my resolve slipping...even if just from sheer curiosity. BUT...I'm gonna keep working on that.
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If I recall, she had multiple OM, correct? And she was not apologetic and remorseful to you?
Correct on both counts.
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There is also that chance that she is afraid of what she has created and so now she is having regrets. I don't see that as the same thing as truly wanting to reconcile the M and work with you.
That's exactly the same vibe I'm getting from the whole thing. One thing that is a serious red flag to me (and I mentioned this to her yesterday) was that I know she's paying for a house that is her mom's name, and when child support kicks in it will make it very, very difficult (if it's even possible) to pay the mortgage on that house. So a lot of this looks like the thing that happened almost a year ago where she was about to get evicted and so she told me she wants to come back. The major difference I see this time is that when I told her I didn't know if that was a good idea a year ago, she went right back to telling me how she hated me. This time...she says it's different and she's not doing that. So...I'm not sure. I sometimes can't tell if she is getting more serious or if she's just adapting her strategy.
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how has she changed so that you can have a healthy M and family with her? Has she or is she willing to look at her mistakes and change? ... it is also, and perhaps an even harder question, one that we have to ask of ourselves too: meaning, how have you changed and how are you willing to change to make this work, given all the hurt and damage that has occurred?
This remains to be seen, at least on her end. As for me...I've become far harder and resistant to her antics. I've put a lot of study into learning how to set hard boundaries, how to keep people from just walking all over me, and I've just become a completely different person (I mean, I'm still me...heh...but my attitude is definitely more confident and I just...care far less about reacting to everything). Other than the insane stress of dealing with her and the D, I feel way, way better about myself than I have in...well, probably forever. She pushed me well past my breaking point early on, and now I just go on with my life. It's been rough...but almost worth it to learn how to handle myself. Almost. lol.
My mistakes are easy to own. I was passive. I was spineless. I was depressed. I was weak. But none of that excuses her actions. And none of those things are problems that I have anymore. At least not now. So...we'll see what happens.
