I have read some of your threads over the last year. I am glad you are still here and posting. Often times people stop posting after they move on, D, or even when the W/H starts to come back. I hope you will stay with us and keep us updated. It is always very helpful to follow the sitches over time and as things change. I am sure the others can offer you better advice, as they know your sitch better and are more familiar with WWs in general. I do have a couple thoughts tho.
I think you are wise to have extremely low expectations (less than 0.5%, haha), because you have already been burned, so you want to protect yourself. Once we have expectations or become hopeful again, we open ourselves up to become vulnerable and to more hurt again. I also think you are wise to think about how damaging that could be to your son to have his family on again/off again, etc. Kids do much better when they have consistency and predictability.
I find her note to you interesting and I do think it could go in either direction. If I recall, she had multiple OM, correct? And she was not apologetic and remorseful to you? ... It does appear that she is missing having a family unit and that perhaps she is realizing that you have so much more to offer than the OM had. There is also that chance that she is afraid of what she has created and so now she is having regrets. I don't see that as the same thing as truly wanting to reconcile the M and work with you. That is a LOT OF WORK.
So even if over time, she starts to show you that yes, she does want to R with you and she does want to save the M. Let's say she continues to use the monitored app and she continues to tell you she only wants you, will do anything to save the M, and that she is regretful and remorseful. So even then, something you might want to think about is -- how has she changed so that you can have a healthy M and family with her? Has she or is she willing to look at her mistakes and change? ... it is also, and perhaps an even harder question, one that we have to ask of ourselves too: meaning, how have you changed and how are you willing to change to make this work, given all the hurt and damage that has occurred?
I think one of the hardest things about piecing a M together after all intimacy and trust has been eroded, is learning to understand them, forgive them, and also really owning our own mistakes in it. BOTH people have to change and own their own mistakes -- that is especially hard when the other person has had multiples betrayals and we feel wronged by them.
Blu
Last edited by BluWave; 06/21/1902:08 PM.
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
