Yesterday W told me that she's no longer seeing OM. She's been trying to get me to see her for a few days now, and I've resisted. Apparently her mindset shifted (at least according to her) during a storm we had the other night. Here's a message I got from her:
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I'm quite serious about my experience in those high winds. I've been terrified of tornadoes my whole life. My biggest fears are being burned alive, or get sucked up into a tornado. It may seem a bit dramatic, but I really was scared that I'd never see S or you again. And I've wanted desperately just to see you for a moment since then just to make sure you're okay, which is very strange, considering our separation. I've been taking steps since then to change the way I look at things, the way I handle things, and trying to make moves towards healing our situation, not just my own. I miss you. I'd like to see you. I'd like to have dinner with you. Maybe for a split second we could recall everything that was right about us, so that we can focus on those things instead of all the heart break.
I know there's no un-doing all the hurt I've caused you. But, I can't live with myself if I don't at least try. I'll be here. Trying to get you to see how truly I want our family back together. Snuggled up altogether on the big bed, playing and having tickle fights.
If that's not what you want, just let me know and I'll respect your decision, after all, I walked away first. But please please don't walk away last. Let's fix this. Please.
And then another one:
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Even if it's broken, damaged, bruised, or whatever else... I still want it. Our family. It doesn't need to be perfect. But it needs to be us. I'm so sorry. I love you.
She's ramping up the attempts. I'm still resisting because...well, she kinda destroyed me. There's no way that I'm stupid enough to handle this as if it isn't some kind of trap.
But...she's making some level of effort...and I'm really not sure what to do. I probably need to re-read DB. Heh.
Meanwhile, I've GAL, so I'm just going to keep doing that, not withdrawing any paperwork at this point (not planning on it, honestly...). So...forward!
