She abjectly will not see it that way. She will say that she was there when I sold my company, stood by me, provided emotional support, and so on. And she did. I can't argue any of that. But I don't know how and if that translates to anything financial.
It doesn't matter how she sees it. It matters how the court sees it. From a legal perspective, whatever happened before the marriage isn't legally binding unless it's something you put both your names on. For example, My XW and I lived together for years before we got married. We owned a home. The home was in both our names. I bought a motorcycle about a month before we got married, it was in my name. When we divorced, the home was divided equally, the motorcycle was not. It was my XW's lawyer that advised her that property acquired before the date of the wedding was not community property unless in both of our names. Now your W can rant and rave and make threats but at the end of the day she does not have a legal claim to the business you sold before marriage. It doesn't matter if she was there supporting you, it doesn't matter if you had googly eyes and told her you would happily give half of it to her. Again let me remind you, SHE told YOU that she would remain by your side forever. SHE BROKE THAT PROMISE. Why would she expect you to keep your promise. You promised that in MARRIAGE what's yours is hers. But now she's violated her agreement and destroyed the marriage.
Quit playing by her rules and start protecting yourself. This goes for every single LBS on here.
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She's moving out tomorrow. I've been an absolute wreck all day. I just can't believe how quickly everything changed. I'm trying my best to hold it together, but this hurts more than anything I've ever felt. Nothing is even close.
We have a saying in Crossfit- "embrace the suck". Sometimes life hands you a heaping helping of misery, trying to fight it only makes it come back worse later. So feel it, live it, let it happen. Another book for your reading list is "The Happiness Trap", it really delves into the subject of feelings and emotions and how to deal with them. I read it when I was about where you are in my sitch and it really helped a lot.
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I know in a few different threads, people have strongly, strongly advocated not crying or being emotional in front of the WAW. I am trying my best, but it is impossible. I get choked up talking about it with friends, I get choked up talking about it with my IC, I get choked up just seeing her right now.
Cry in private. I cried on my 30+ minute commute to work, then pulled it together to work. Then I cried all the way home. Would pull it together in the garage, go in and talk to W and the kids and ask about their day and such, then excuse myself to change clothes and lock myself in the bedroom crying some more. It's OK to cry, but do it in private. The more you let it out in private the easier it is to keep it together in front of others.
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One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow will be worse than today, but the day after will be better. And the day after, and the day after.
Exactly right. Don't worry about tomorrow, just deal with today. And if that's too much then just deal with an hour. Or 15 minutes. Everything outside of that block of time you can deal with when it arrives. Try not to spin on what the future looks like, because you don't know. A year from now you could be happily reconciled. I'm divorced but all that just seems like a bad dream now, almost like it never really happened. Whether you reconcile or divorce your future is going to be fantastic, so even though you're in a lot of pain right now, there's no need to worry. Things will work out no matter what happens to your M, I promise.
Originally Posted by Hallzy9
I know it won’t help but just know that the emotions will lessen day by day. I had breakdowns in my car often after BD. But it seemed that everyday it got a bit easier. This really is a roller coaster of ups and downs but know that eventually those lows won’t be such a dramatic fall and the depths of the downs become less painful.
For me S day was actually quite good. I had expectations that coming home after work to an empty house would be terrible. But when I arrived home I felt calmness. I think it is terribly painful to be IHS and have to see your loved one everyday and know things are bad. But when physical separation happens the space can also be really good for the LBS. it absolutely progressed my detachment. I implore you to stay very busy with GAL and you will find you don’t have the time to be worrying about what W is up to.
