Yes, she picks fights, but less so since separation. But when she does pick a fight I spend a LOT of enegry to not be dragged down, to stay distant, and to stick to the situation. She loses steam and then typically ends the flight with "I just can't live with you". One a week ago was where my daughter came to me upset that wife wouldn't stop pushing her on a swing even when my daughter said stop. I just causually told my wife that the daughter was upset that you didn't stop when she said stop. Oh boy. A 30 minute tirade of excuses, complaints about the daughter, sarcasm, and blaming my daughter for "playing me". I also stopped her many times from bringing up the past. I told my wife that she is choosing to react this way and that she could have said "that's not what happened", "I'm sorry I'll talk to her", or "thank you". Two days later the same fight happens again. Which is odd. I know she felted shameful and did apologise to my daughter.
Wow OK so she clearly has some issues! Sometimes I read stuff like this and wonder why the LBS wasn't the one that dropped the bomb!
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Just recently she started to avoid me and said point blank I phyiscally make her ill, and I'm a nice guy, but there is no chance of reconciliation.
Believe it or not this is not at all unusual. Sometimes it shocks people here when we tell them their WAS doesn't like them, may hate them, and probably even finds them repulsive. But that's a reflection on how she feels at this moment in time, it can and will change with time. However, you have to act and speak now with this in mind. Obviously you don't want to pursue and be needy to someone that feels ill at the sight of you. The ONLY thing that works against that mindset is pulling back and giving her lots of time and space.
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She said she dreds me coming home each day. But then I can say with confidence in a couple days time she will be happy that i'm looking after the kids. I just see this as the polarised extremes which I'm told anxious people have.
I'm not saying she is or isn't anxious, but it's actually pretty typical for a WAS to despise the LBS and want nothing to do with him, but at the same time enjoy some cake-eating of letting him do things for her. Don't be confused though, she's not waffling between pushing you away and pulling you back. She is DONE right now and that isn't changing (but it may much later).
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I always tell her my love is unconditional and will stay that way regardless of how we end up.
Try not to say things like that anymore, saying things like that is pressure on her and she wants zero pressure right now.
