Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

[CanBird]

Wow! H messaged me, "thank you".

Even if he did not reply, Keep him up to date on D3. Big events. Updates similar to maybe a sister??

Initially, I would not respond unless direct questions. further down the road "my pleasure" might be a good response.

It is extremely important that you do not let your feeling for H affect your support for his relationship with his D.

It will be his choice about how involved he wants to be with her.

Hi Ready2Change. Good advice to keep him updated, as if I was a sister...lol.. I had to read that over a few times before I got it! Definitely have to wear a different hat during this storm! Before he left, I imagined him wearing the roommate hat, then the friend hat. (He had been sleeping on the couch for a few weeks). I finally surrendered to wearing the same hats, when I felt he really didn't want me acting wifey; he wanted to be left alone. And now, the sister hat! Why not..lol..

I didn't respond to his message, I didn't see the point. But yes, "my pleasure" is a good response. I will send H d3 updates (as if from a sister) at a later date for sure. I would never let my feeling get in the way of their relationship. We've always kept any negative talk away from d3, and agreed to only let her see us in a loving way, as best we can.

And yes, totally agree it's up to him how involved he wants to be. He's on a journey, and if he needs to be alone, after he finishes his months away at work, I totally support that. It's up to him how much or how little interaction is had. H had an interesting childhood, a confusing one, with more than one father figure (he never shared details until BD), so it will be interesting to see how this unfolds.