Getting too many mixed signals from exW that is making it hard for me. She is talking well, being respectful, going out of the way to do things for me. At the same time she is resolute in her decision to end the MR. I guess these are temp checks but they are consistent actions and it is driving me crazy. Is this normal? How do I deal with this?
Not normal but I deal with the same thing. My ex mulched my entire yard a week before moving out. She’s the first to text me happy birthday, Father’s Day etc. Heck she spent more on me for Fathers Day then she ever did while married. Many other examples. How do you deal with it? You shrug your shoulders and keep living the single life. If she changes her mind you’ll know and then YOU get to decide how you want to proceed. Some of them do feel guilty about blowing up the family and some want to keep the road home smooth just in case the grass isn’t greener.
Not normal but I deal with the same thing. My ex mulched my entire yard a week before moving out. She’s the first to text me happy birthday, Father’s Day etc. Heck she spent more on me for Fathers Day then she ever did while married. Many other examples. How do you deal with it? You shrug your shoulders and keep living the single life. If she changes her mind you’ll know and then YOU get to decide how you want to proceed. Some of them do feel guilty about blowing up the family and some want to keep the road home smooth just in case the grass isn’t greener.
LH, Thanks. Do you mind telling me how long it has been since you ex moved out? Has she increased her being nice over time or has it been the same or less since she moved out?
I find it to be absolutely crazy. Almost seems like she wants to behave like my W other than physical intimacy part but at the same time she does not want to be married to me either.
Yes, what LH said. My XW kept buying me presents for bday and Christmas (said they were from the kids but they rarely knew what was even in the boxes) and was generally nice to me, in fact has gotten nicer over the years. You just keep doing you, and be happy she's not being the raving B*** that some of the poor souls on here have to deal with.
By the way that's not mixed signals. Just because she's being nice to you doesn't mean she wants to be married to you.
Originally Posted by MLCxH
LH, Thanks. Do you mind telling me how long it has been since you ex moved out? Has she increased her being nice over time or has it been the same or less since she moved out?
My timeline is much longer than LH's, and like I said she's gotten nicer over the years. No attempt to reconcile though.
Thank you LH and AS. That is actually discouraging to be honest. I am starting to wonder why what we are doing is called divorce busting instead of something like 'healing after divorce'. If W is noticing our 180s, not angry and even happy to be connected to us but at the same time wants to be divorced there is no busting the divorce, just moving on right?
DB is about making needed changes and making yourself stronger which in turn will give yourself the best chance to attract your W/Ex back. The truth of the matter is by the time you get here it’s usually too late. Also, most here are unable to implement proper DB because it’s counterintuitive. Then there is the entire timeframe of the process. I truly believe over a 5 year period more then half will get a chance to reconcile but most won’t because it’s too late. Once time goes by you will realize life is too short to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. (Read my tagline)
I’ve quoted on here before a quote by coach Nick Sabin of Alabama “when decisions are made based on emotions there are bound to be consequences”. Your W most likely at some point will regret her decision. It most likely won’t be on your timeline.
Also understand that there are people on here who are piecing and that is no picnic either. Bluewave, Steve and Gordie are struggling in their sitches.
I truly believe over a 5 year period more then half will get a chance to reconcile but most won’t because it’s too late. Once time goes by you will realize life is too short to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. (Read my tagline) .
I agree with what you said LH. Life is too short to be waiting for someone who does not want you. It's a shame because while the MR was not perfect it was not broken to the extent of D either. Even today exW does not know why she wanted the D. She has convinced herself by rewriting history but I guess that is all it takes. It's sad and depressing when you realize you have no control. DB is the only thing I can do but all it helps me with is to detach and move on. Again, what else can I really do other than detach and move on
Yep I had a tough time accepting one person could make a decision for 4. What has helped me immensely is understanding that my ex is not a horrible person she is just trying to be happy. She has one life to live and should be able to live it her way. I wouldn’t want her to stay if she’s unhappy. I have friends who are staying married for the kids and their lives are horrible. You’ll get there it just takes time.
