Thank you all for the replies, I can't quote and respond to them all but they've all be extremely helpful.
Before I left for work today, we had a quick chat and decided that tonight was going to be clear for us to talk through the remaining things before the S on Friday. It's really, really hard to keep an even keel when I see her putting things into boxes, but I've been doing my best. I will admit lots of failure though: at MC, I choked up a few times talking about how I'm feeling and I know tonight is going to be just as hard. I'm not begging, pleading, or anything like that; I'm just hurting.
I'm not having any trouble with GAL, and tonight I think we'll get to..a reasonable place so far as the finances. I'd like some advice on how to address the actual S, because as I said in previous posts, I'm confused and we haven't discussed it much at all.
I don't have the capacity to say "F you, if you want to leave, there's the door" because that's not how I feel, and she'd also immediately know that it's me putting on a front. I don't however have a great understanding of her complaints (and thus not sure how to 180), nor do I have an understanding of how she's approaching the S. Is this really about getting space to gain clarity, or is this just purgatory because we're too afraid to D? When we had the initial BD about a month back, I completely shut down and left the house. It was too overwhelming. But now I don't have much insight or clarity into how she's thinking about it.
It feels like just leaving it completely open-ended is disastrous, particularly combined with my plans of going completely NC and cutting off MC. Tonight I'll have more clarity on why LS vs TS but apart from that, how much of this stuff is worth talking about? I know I want to project indifference and excitement at the opportunity to better myself, but there's so much uncertainty here. I don't expect her to say "In n months, I'll know" but there has to be least some structure, right?
