Am I doing this right??

[Goddess8]

Hey Hope,

Not talking to H is pretty easy on the daily. I had to text him about vehicle registration stuff yesterday but it was to the point. I know if he's not saying anything to me the OW is around. The thought of her bothers me less and less. Knowing she is a stall tactic for him dealing with his actual issues makes it easier to remeber she is his problem to deal with. It is actually pretty comical that he whines about me "ignoring" him and what is he doing to me? Oh Ya! Ignoring me! Out of sight out of mind. And the OW is so jealous and insecure about me its amazing. And not the least bit surprising he doest say anything to me around her. It blows my mind that no one has realized that as the mother of his kids I am NEVER going away.

I've been putting some thought into the whole MLC vs not debate. And whether H is more wayward(thats definitely in there). I think based on my own observations of H and reading till my eyes are dry of other peoples sitches MLC is a real thing. Yes the name isnt very consistent with when people can actually go through it. But it isnt suprising that people are coming into it younger. With SM bombarding us constanting on what a perfect life is like people feel that pressure earlier. With my H being mil we have always lived a fast life. When life can literally be taken at any point its hard not to try to squeeze as much in as possible. I think in regards to MLC it is a misnomer people abuse. They can use it as an excuse to rationalize away their S bad behavior. There is no excuse for how we let people treat us. If your S is going through an emotional readjustment phase and acting out out of pain and fear the best thing to do is let them be. Use your boundries for what is done directly to you, ie: no physical violence or verbal abuse. If he stomps around the house being a jerk to the air...let him. The air doesnt care. If he looks you in the face and trys cussing or throwing insults call him out calmly and say you won't tolerate the nasty. Then walk off. People are allowed to feel things. Understand most of the spew is directed at themselves and they are projecting at a convenient receptacle. But handling them with sympathy and empathy not only shows them we care about their pain but how to treat people IN pain. Showing them how to treat us in turn. I definitely did my share of crying, begging and pursuing in the begining but even at his nastiest did allow him to be an a$$. I call him on it Every. Single. Time. I understand depression. I have been there. BD actually pulled me out of one of my worst ever. People who have never experienced depression don't believe it's real or as bad as people say. When you are depressed you dont see the world as it really is. You see the world through your pain. The worse the pain the worse everything looks. I think this is why MLC and waywardness can and do hold hands. The wayward behaviors like A's give them the feel goods that the depression steal away. It is absolutely an artificial high but the spouse in crisis doesnt get that yet. I think its why the advice is to leave the A alone. Ever try to take a toy from a toddler? Or a phone from a teen? Ya...

Sorry if I rambledand been thinking a lot since 5am. Guess I'll go have more coffee