Thanks for all of the real talk regarding the finances. I'm going to hold the line. She does work - after a prolonged period of consulting part-time and trying to make a career of her art - but her income is significantly less than mine. I have no interest in punishing her or being petty, but I also have no interest in being a pushover and leaving myself unprotected. There is a middle ground here that we need to find.
Yes exactly. Be fair, but don't be generous. Because regardless, she more than likely will not appreciate it. WAS's are like the government's new 1040 tax form- "Line 1- how much did you make last year? Line 2- send it in."
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It just really reinforced to me, again, that the M as I knew it is over. It's so hard just to be OK with that right now. The dreams we had, the excitement we had for what was ahead of us. I don't know how people do it. It's just so painful right now. That was only two years ago.
It is an absolutely terrible thing to go through. But once you do, you'll really feel like you can get through anything. You'll be stronger and more independent. And there is always the chance that you will reconcile, it'll probably just take a lot longer than you would like.
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I also realized that I still don't have a great explanation for why this is happening, although I guess it's irrelevant because it's happening whether I like it or not.
You'll never get a good explanation because most of the time the WAS is not really sure why they are doing it themselves. They are confused, yet resolute.
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It was originally brought up to me as a trial separation in order to have space and gain clarity - hence the subject of the thread - but she is holding firm that it needs to be a legal separation.
And when I say "resolute", I mean resolute that they are done and want out of the M. Calling it a "trial separation" is just their way of letting the LBS down slowly, and also dangling the carrot of "hope" out there so the LBS will be more open to giving them everything they want. If you don't give her exactly what she wants then just be ready for the monster to come out. Whoever your wife used to be, she's not that person anymore.
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I'm speaking to a lawyer on Thursday, but to me there is a big difference there. My understanding is that a legal separation is the equivalent of a divorce, in that you come to a legal agreement regarding support and how assets are divided, yet you are not formally divorced and thus can retain some of the marriage benefits, such as health insurance.
Yeah in states that have legal separation that's pretty accurate. Some states like mine (TX) don't recognize separation.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
RIGHT? Trust me it gets pettier and pettier once the finances split. Once that snowball gets rolling its going to get tit for tat with everything from the garbage to the dishes to the lawn care to the recycling to the food and to the child care.
Amen! So true. I think I shocked people on here back during my sitch when I came here to report that my XW took half the paper towels and even took a bottle and poured half a bottle of dishwashing liquid into it. I AM NOT JOKING. If you had told me anytime before BD that this would be happening I would have laughed in your face, I would have told you my W was the most caring, generous person in the world and would never do such a thing. That's the hardest thing for most LBS's to grasp- this ain't the W you knew.
