Good job talking with D14. That sounded like it went really well. D14’s path, and D12, S10, and your’s - are made up of many small steps. You will have further conversations, and her anger will abate. We cannot expect anyone to get this in one sitting, so I am sure as D14 processes what was discussed more questions will come.
A few things I would like to highlight.
It was really good to see how you didn’t demonize OW, that is rare, usually the LBS pours their anger and hatred into that person. However, she is not blameless in all this. Yes OW is a broken person being fed lies, she is also feeding H lies as well. She did get, and is, involved with a married man. D14 may need to see that OW and Dad is a two way street.
I am very happy to see you - all on your own I might add so great job - told D14 about you standing. Your part and views in all of this. That is the role model for them. Awesome Nyla. Really. You said is just right, standing and believing in your marriage for as long as you can, because you love him. Children really respond well to that. That is a beacon they need and will follow.
I fully get how it feels with D14 angry at you all the time. My S17 was so full of rage. He and I had to talk about that. I understood that he could not lash out towards Mom. He knew that, and his feelings were confused, all perfectly normal - something he (and D14) needed to hear. It is ok to go about your stuff and if D14 leaves the room that is fine. In time she will actual come back, and even not leave. This is a particularly difficult part of the path. Letting our children grow from this mess.
Continue with your gentle leading and be a great Mom and role model.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
